Navigating Motherhood as a Black Queer Woman: A Reflection

As a Black woman raised by a single mother, my journey through motherhood has been both challenging and transformative. To be candid, while I deeply love my children, I often find myself struggling with the act of parenting. I eagerly anticipate the day I become an empty nester.

"Why?" you might ask. Being a Black mother is complex, and being a queer mother in a multi-blended family adds another layer of complexity. Despite being effective, present, and loving, I frequently find myself exhausted and emotionally drained due to the ongoing efforts to heal and reverse generational trauma.

My experience as a mother has been multifaceted. I started as a married mother to my father's children which I often felt like a single mother, then I became a single mother after divorcing to live more authentically. I later navigated single motherhood with the support of co-parenting with a dear friend. Now, I am married to a wonderful Black woman who actively participates in my life. Yet, the reality remains: we still often feel like single mothers.

You might wonder, "Why is that?" The truth is, when homes are broken, co-parenting can be challenging. Relationships become fractured, and individuals may show up less and do less, yet still assume all the credit. It's interesting to note that in the Black community, many single Black mothers often end up marrying binary men—men who view the world through a singular lens. The weight of raising children frequently falls disproportionately on the mother's shoulders, leading to many people feeling unloved and what many refer to as "mother wounds." Perhaps mothers are judged too harshly, or maybe we've never truly reclaimed our time. It's possible that many of us unconsciously marry men who resemble our fathers, only to become versions of our mothers while simultaneously trying to unlearn our mothers behaviors.

As I reflect on my journey in motherhood during this season of my life, I am filled with gratitude for the lessons learned and the experiences gained. I look forward to sharing more about this transformative journey in my next life.