Parenting From The Highest Place
When I reflect on my years as a parent, I often wonder how am I doing it. I am astonished at how I am able to give my children the very things I missed as a child. I am overwhelmed at how I speak to them + acknowledge their every effort. I am surprised at how I am intentional about exposing them in an effort to spark conversations that will give them the space to be critical thinkers. I often remind my children that I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that I am far from Mary Poppins + I am not even reminiscent of a Claire Huxtable; yet somehow I manage to give them what I never received.
To demonstrate something, you never witnessed is virtually impossible especially when you are still trying to grasp the magnitude of the neglect you endured. To illustrate to your children day in + day out without ever thinking of inflicting the same damage on your children is a blessing. By no means do I feel special + I definitely don’t feel like I should win an award; however, I am extremely grateful for rising above my own circumstances. Because I remember days when my trajectory was suspect + it seemed as if I might be an exact replica of my mother. There were times I questioned my own ability to parent my children just because of the damage I had endured. Sometimes it not that you don’t want to be a good parent, it’s just that the weight of what you have undergone supersedes your ability to overcome it. Nevertheless, I persisted!
As I look back over this year, I realize that my children needed a more resolved mother. A woman that fought for her need to be a woman more than she ever desired to be a mother. My children pushed me into womanhood + gave me permission to soar. They asked me questions that required me to share, they made room for me to fall more in love with my wife without the burden of feeling guilty. Moreover, they rejoiced in me finding my voice + never judged me when I used it with them. My children have matured me in ways that let me know that they need the highest version of me. Despite every tear + every shortcoming, we have always managed to cultivate love + respect for each other. So far that has always been enough.