Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
Love, for me, has always been deeply intertwined with the concept of safety. Many people don’t realize that the discomfort they often feel is rooted more in a lack of safety than in the actual events occurring around them. Before I could seek safety from others, I had to learn to cultivate it within myself.
Read MoreAs I reflect on my journey as a Black queer woman, obedience emerges as a guiding principle, a profound invitation to align with the Divine. It's not merely about following rules but about surrendering to a higher purpose, mainly when life's challenges test our faith. Join me as we explore the transformative power of obedience, discovering how it leads us to our most authentic selves and ignites our souls' profound passions.
Read MoreBuckle up, brave hearts, because we're about to embark on a tale that kicked off my 2023 with a bang—quite literally. Picture this: a cascade of shattered glass, the screech of metal against metal, and the deafening silence that followed. My year didn't open with champagne toasts and resolutions; instead, it began with the echo of a life-altering collision.—this is the story that set the tone for my year of resilience and rebirth.
Read MoreAfter a brief hiatus filled with life's twists and turns, I'm ecstatic to share some exciting news. Starting next year, our weekly blog rendezvous resumes! Brace yourselves for the grand return with THREE new posts on January 1st. 🎉
Read MoreWhy not love, or fun, possibly ease? How about a nap? Let’s relax and do nothing. Better yet, let’s skip a day of seriousness and be silly. I have always been quite hilarious; it’s one of the things I could do effortlessly in my life. It didn’t require anything of me. It took little to no effort, and I always got people to laugh. Then I realized that when you are known for certain things, people don’t want your truth, and they sure don’t want the weight of what it costs you to smile all the time. So, I stopped. I came to a screeching halt. I began to take like seriously, or maybe it just got severe, but whatever it was, I decided over 15 years ago to grow up.
Read MoreToday I pause to acknowledge a beautiful black woman that has been a part of my life for 17 years. The mere notion that two black women who met when they were young, relatively immature, and still learning to love themselves, yet have managed to witness the evolution of one another, is impressive. I met Kupae [ coo-pay] when we were both newly married (at the time, I was married to a man), and we were both attending the same church, trying to create the “perfect heteronormative life” or at least one that felt worthy of what society thought of us. We immediately hit it off because when you show up as your authentic self, even as you have so much more to learn, the core of your friendship is immediately cemented.
Read MoreLately, I have been thinking about how the mother wound and its role in the lives of men and women have surfaced as of late. The commitment to healing the fracture of not being loved must be foundational for women. It creates an openness and honesty that is necessary to be in community. When we lack self-love, we become a container for garbage that makes us feel like we must “outdo, out-work, out be” one another. Underneath that confusion is a sobering truth that many women would rather die than admit, most women don’t love themselves.
Read MoreImagine birthing something only to realize you had to let it go. You couldn’t possess it, + you only were allowed to facilitate their growth based on their lived experience. This is parenting. It is the mirror that most of us mistake for our reflection when it really is a glimpse of our unresolved pain. It is a blessing to see the flowers bloom that you plant, but no one ever tells you the times your heart will shatter during certain seasons. No one explains the growth you will endure by raising a part of yourself. No one discusses the guilt you carry from wanting to do everything right while thinking, “I’m failing miserably.” Maybe it’s just me.
Read MoreFathers hold a substantial about of weight in a child’s life + I carry the residue of this sentiment. My existence came on the hills of my mother’s + father’s relationship which I learned later in life was destined to never stand a chance. My father wanted kids + my mother did not so I was conceived in a womb that was vacant from the beginning. I understand that children can sense everything just from the intention of the space they reside. I understood that my existence frustrated my mother not because she did not want kids, but she wanted so desperately for her marriage to work. So when my father could not remain on the pedestal society put him on, he quickly fell from grace + so went my self-worth along with the marriage.
Being a woman is birthed from so much pain. The resilience I carry in my stride has carried me through many moments in life. My body has ached from the things it has endured. I am so proud of it. I continue to look at all the ways the world has tried to put in me in a box just because of who I am. It won’t work; however I appreciate how hard society tells me to marry by a certain time + birth just enough children to keep me from ever seeing the light of day. I laugh at how the world embraces the notion that makes me subservient in every space. I never listen because I know that it doesn’t apply to me.
Read MoreThis picture is a reflection of a woman who is deeply involved with herself. Don’t mind the background or my beautiful spouse but rather hear my heart. This moment is a fraction of many moments in my life that are often so fleeting due to the demands of life, a career that I love, motherhood + many other wonderful things that I am blessed to do. Yet there is a transition that my body is slowing shifting to or at least I am yearning for. I desire to be free of one thing + that is my “moon.”
Read MoreAt some point in life, you wake up + realize that everything you desire must be obtained on your own. This sentiment gathers me because I realize that so many people are holding on to things they should have already released. We make things difficult for fear of having to face ourselves. We much prefer to help others see themselves by gently turning the mirror towards the face of a reflection we haven’t recognized in ourselves yet. Its complicated! I wish people understood that the way to freedom is to turn inward. Perhaps if people had a choice to save their life or the life of another person they would unequivocally redeem someone else for fear of not being enough.
Read MoreMy mind is often consumed with petitions graciously offered up to the Creator. It is important to remain in my lane with the awareness that I am constantly becoming. I have tried to simplify my mission, clarify my space + the individuals in it. I’m speaking of modifying my distractions + the amount of times I have to re-learn the same lesson. I am conveying the only thing that matters to me is showing up for me. If it seems selfish then clearly you lack boundaries, your filter is low + you are dolling out obligations to people that are getting you further away from your goals. I suggest that all people choose themselves.. First! Healing is imminent whether you accept it or not.
Read MoreIn this season of my life, I am beginning to recognize the subtleties that connect trauma to lack. I understand that finding my worth was paramount to so many other things in my life. Truthfully, it is my natural instinct to struggle as a black woman just because of the historical narrative attached to what it means to be a black woman. So much of my healing has been unpacking my lack + the narrative surrounding how I view myself in a world that diminishes my very existence. Its complicated! My mother lived in a constant state of scarcity due to the effort that was exerted on something she didn’t understand …her worth.
Read MoreThere are moments + times when your family is created by difficult circumstances designed to tear you apart. They happen so suddenly that you are unable to prepare for them. You know the situations that leave the family in disarray + everyone heartbroken; frayed from unspoken truths. Often times you are left with the reality that we “just didn’t talk enough.”
Read MoreThere are times in life when all you know to do is surrender. Surrender to the process. the pain, the hurt + the uncertainty all in an effort to do something different while saving an entire generation. When I chose this life, this time I was sure that I wanted to live it “in love.” Not for the sake of companionship, but for the sake of growth, purpose + ease. I didn’t want to spend my life in a space of selfishness, although it was tempting. I wanted to grow. Despite sometimes being scared, I wanted to see if I was capable of being more than a liar, a cheater, a spoiled insecure black woman that needed someone to validate me. I wanted to see if I was capable of putting someone before my kids, my family + my career just for me to see the best in myself. Its entirely too complicated for this blog post.
Read MoreBlack people often laugh a lot because it is the thing that keeps us sane. It is the only space where we can reside without using our energy to preserve the ego of someone else. We chuckle loudly because it is the defense mechanism we learned from our slave owners when we loss loved one’s due to death. It killed us keeping up facades that wounded our smile. It murdered us to lose all emotion to the things that mattered most. It desensitized us to pain + we learned how to watch suffering with a straight face. It became a narrative that we became accustomed to. It taught us how to swallow our troubles + pretend that they didn’t exist…knowing full well we were never good.
Read MoreThere are many moments as a parent that I am in awe of the Canada’s design. I admit, her design is unmatched when I look back at my younger self. Not to compare + contrast the various idiosyncrasies that we have, but I am grateful. Many times as parents we have inserted our own frailties in an effort to help our children along, forgetting they don’t belong to us. I have asked forgiveness, made stronger bonds + sadly made a few dents along the way. Bygones! We persist!
Read MoreWith the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.
Read MoreWhenever I am asked to do anything I always consider two things: is this person representative of the things I value + how can God use me to be a vessel. It is important for me to remain a student worthy of the spaces that the Universe allows me to enter. It is central to my beliefs to remain relatable to my audience so that my message doesn’t get misconstrued by an inflated ego. It is imperative for me to always remain humble, kind + teachable so that the person that I am makes room for the person I am becoming.
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