Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
Love, for me, has always been deeply intertwined with the concept of safety. Many people don’t realize that the discomfort they often feel is rooted more in a lack of safety than in the actual events occurring around them. Before I could seek safety from others, I had to learn to cultivate it within myself.
Read MoreLately, I haven't felt like myself. A recent conversation with my astrologer changed that. She lovingly asked me, "Do you feel like you show up as yourself?" I had to admit that while I might feel authentic on date nights, most of the time—whether I'm seeing clients or just going about my day—I feel like I'm wearing a uniform.
Read MoreAs a Black woman, the complexities of our experiences are both profound and deeply nuanced. We are often the pillars of our families and communities, socialized and indoctrinated to be caregivers, nurturers, and the steadfast shoulders upon which others lean
Read MoreRest and joy have become my guiding lights, my ministry. I discovered their transformative power during one of the darkest periods of my life, right after my first marriage ended. With my kids' father gone, I faced the daunting task of starting over. In that turbulent season, it was reading and seeking joy that sustained me. I vividly recall the relentless pursuit of happiness, finding reasons to smile even when it felt impossible.
Read MoreAs I reflect on my journey through my thirties and eagerly anticipate the dawn of my forties, I can't help but marvel at how life has surpassed my expectations. In those earlier years, I had a clear vision of the woman, wife, and mother I aspired to be.
Read MoreBuckle up, brave hearts, because we're about to embark on a tale that kicked off my 2023 with a bang—quite literally. Picture this: a cascade of shattered glass, the screech of metal against metal, and the deafening silence that followed. My year didn't open with champagne toasts and resolutions; instead, it began with the echo of a life-altering collision.—this is the story that set the tone for my year of resilience and rebirth.
Read MoreAfter a brief hiatus filled with life's twists and turns, I'm ecstatic to share some exciting news. Starting next year, our weekly blog rendezvous resumes! Brace yourselves for the grand return with THREE new posts on January 1st. 🎉
Read MoreAs a black woman, healing with my wife and kids has been a transformative experience that has strengthened our relationships with each other positively. By working on ourselves individually and as a family unit, we've learned how to communicate better, empathize with each other's struggles, and offer support when needed most. We've also discovered new ways to have fun and create meaningful memories together, bringing us closer. Healing is a journey, but it has allowed us to become a stronger, more connected family.
Read MoreCo-parenting has changed the way I view marriage as a black woman. Being in a healthy co-parenting relationship has shown me the importance of communication, trust, and respect in any relationship. It has also made me work harder on my relationship with my wife. We are constantly learning from each other, communicating more effectively, and supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. Our co-parenting relationship has been a strength and inspiration for our marriage. It has taught me valuable lessons about what it means to love and support your partner truly.
Read MoreIf I could be honest, I haven’t always been aware of my blackness. It was something that I witnessed all of my life along with the perils of watching others carry the burden of being black, but me…I never understood my blackness. My parents were born during a time where there was no way in the hell you could not be aware of your blackness. It was a time when you dare not be conscious of your blackness. A period where, “are you out of your mind, you’s black!” type of era. It was obvious that they didn’t want to live being black + now explain it to me what it was going to represent to me when clearly I had not lived their working day as of yet.
Read MoreAs I sit here wrapped in my thoughts, I am acutely aware of my body. All too often, we have left our bodies before we were ever given the chance to become acquainted with it. We are mere expressions of abuse, neglect + abandonment frequently being reminded of our past as we casually move throughout the world. Most of us were taught to suppress enormous amounts of information in exchange for love or care. Our trauma has played out in the desires we have that are fundamentally disproportionate to the comfort we require daily. The critical issue with quelling our triggers is often we cannot. We must become familiar with the vibrations that remind us that we have never fully recovered.
Read MoreI have spent my entire life making sense of my parents in an effort to make peace with my childhood. When people look at a woman who has been abandoned by her father, it becomes a reflection of every other man that walked away because it was too hard to stay. Her words are often weaponized due to the experiences she has endured. She will build a fortress of barriers that will hurt her to construct but it will be safer than the embrace of a man. Her heart will often remain tucked in places she buries + forgets to check hoping someone finds it minimally damaged. Its quite complicated!
Read MoreTo be a woman that is unequivocally sure of herself you must be firm + reserve only the tender parts of yourself for people who have earned the right to benefit from it. The truth is to be a black, queer, woman you must learn quickly that you must walk quiet with a big stick. You can’t leave anything on the table not even a possibility for an opportunity. You must be prepared to walk away from friends + family at any moment; especially if they are interfering with the woman you are becoming. Its complicated! You must push your children to grow up + not lean to hard on you unless you give way to their desires + ultimately forget about yours. You must love your spouse with your whole heart + refuse to allow fear to keep you from committing + forgiving. God damn is it complicated!
Read MoreThere are times in life when all you know to do is surrender. Surrender to the process. the pain, the hurt + the uncertainty all in an effort to do something different while saving an entire generation. When I chose this life, this time I was sure that I wanted to live it “in love.” Not for the sake of companionship, but for the sake of growth, purpose + ease. I didn’t want to spend my life in a space of selfishness, although it was tempting. I wanted to grow. Despite sometimes being scared, I wanted to see if I was capable of being more than a liar, a cheater, a spoiled insecure black woman that needed someone to validate me. I wanted to see if I was capable of putting someone before my kids, my family + my career just for me to see the best in myself. Its entirely too complicated for this blog post.
Read MoreI used to carry the weight of not knowing about the things that plagued my parents. I watched my mother crawl into bed everyday + wrap the burden of a disease un-diagnosed around her for security. We often choose religion instead of science to keep the lie our families tell us. We suffer in silence afraid to live a better quality of life. We suffer in quietness scared to let down the very people that often put us in these positions. I want to be the story that everyone desires to read because I found freedom is releasing myself from the shame of suffering.
Read MoreMaking relationships work with another human being comes at a high price especially when you are trying to do something you have never witnessed. Partnerships are messy, raising children can be complicated + loving yourself in the process of unpacking another individual’s trauma can bring about a whole new set of challenges. I am convinced that Spirit had a sense of humor when they constructed the beautiful idea of connecting with another individual.
Read MoreThis relationship started from a simple email sent all the way from Nairobi, Kenya 🇰🇪 from a beautiful light that decided to take a chance on building a friendship. Who knew? Who knew that we would have a mutual affinity for one another? Who knew that as soon as she had a business trip to the states that it was imperative that we share time + space?
Read MoreLately I have been unraveling fear + dissecting how it has caused a wedge in areas of my life. How it has allowed me to listen to well-meaning individuals that refuse to take their own advice. I am convinced that my life + everything about it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Every. Single. Part. Hiding for years has ignited a power in me that permits me to rise into the woman I am destined to be. Being black + queer is everything despite the weight that comes with the obligation of it. It’s hella complicated!
Read MoreLately I have been leaning into life in such a way that has been keeping me prostrate with my heart open. I cannot recall seeing gentle women in my life because they often carried the weight of unrequited love; heavy with deceitful longings. Frustrated at the thought of giving themselves over to another person or having to carry the burden of raising children alone. I have become the remnants of delicate flesh yearning to heal from centuries of not acknowledging the pain.
Read More
To understand gender one must consider the position of black women. The mere fact that we are the most under represented + under paid; yet the most educated informs us that the roots of sexism are founded in the same economic + political institutions that serve the foundation of racism. Daily we crawl from under the heartbreaking backdrops as we illuminate this earth shattering persona just to gain respect. Often assumed to be a single mother despite being betrothed while her relationship suffers as she over extends her participation to compete with women who have the luxury of not being in the labor force. It’s complicated! Overwhelmed with the realization of having to choose between being a mother or a wife in order to survive undermines the well-being of black families. Historically devaluing black women reinforces autonomous women while simultaneously promoting broken homes.
Read More