My Sister From Another Mother

September 27, 2022 by Ikeranda Smith in black mothers, love, life, motherhood, relationships, womensupportingwomen

Today I pause to acknowledge a beautiful black woman that has been a part of my life for 17 years. The mere notion that two black women who met when they were young, relatively immature, and still learning to love themselves, yet have managed to witness the evolution of one another, is impressive. I met Kupae [ coo-pay] when we were both newly married (at the time, I was married to a man), and we were both attending the same church, trying to create the “perfect heteronormative life” or at least one that felt worthy of what society thought of us. We immediately hit it off because when you show up as your authentic self, even as you have so much more to learn, the core of your friendship is immediately cemented.

I don't want to fit

March 08, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, life, love, motherhood, women of color, women's rights, womensupportingwomen

Being a woman is birthed from so much pain. The resilience I carry in my stride has carried me through many moments in life. My body has ached from the things it has endured. I am so proud of it. I continue to look at all the ways the world has tried to put in me in a box just because of who I am. It won’t work; however I appreciate how hard society tells me to marry by a certain time + birth just enough children to keep me from ever seeing the light of day. I laugh at how the world embraces the notion that makes me subservient in every space. I never listen because I know that it doesn’t apply to me.

Hey Sis!

March 18, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, parenting, motherhood, people of color, purpose, personal growth, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

To carry the intersections of being black + a woman on the carousel of life while juggling the intersections of class + gender one must dissect the tradition of overcoming being a black woman. The black woman has endured destruction at every door + sometimes at the hand of her own mother, the mere reflection of her own likeness has been betrayed by generations of abandoned women. Unfortunately, even herself is not beyond her own suspicion. It’s complicated! She’s intelligent; but often insecure. She’s attractive, but often undesirable because her attitude reeks of rejection. She’s extremely loving, but unapproachable. She wears abandonment like cashmere; unemotional yet refined. Everyone has overlooked her; therefore, she must display a disposition of being perpetually guarded. God forbid she is exposed as false with all the blankets of contradictions. Striving in her career to overcompensate for the relationship she longs for. Playing interpersonal relationships like chess; never working with women who may challenge her for fear of being seen as an imposter. Dismissive at best; intimidated at worst. We struggle being seen because we have been overlooked for so long.

Thank you 2018

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Life is mysterious + magical in the most ironic way. It can be filled with deep sadness; yet infused with the most exuberant moments. My existence was tested this year when I was met with the challenge of being married + navigating a long distance relationship while my wife wrapped up her old life to build a new one with me. My entire creation was questioned when I made the decision to remove my mother from my life while being an only child with an estranged father. Meanwhile, the ancestors were working on my behalf as I was navigating the laborious process of purchasing my first home. Not to mention, I was on the cusp of turning 40 + not a minute too soon. Evolution was demanding a more resolved woman that didn’t consume the room upon entrance with heavily weighted credentials but a voice doused in quiet strength determined to chart her own path.

Blended + Intentional

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, parenting, personal development, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

It takes two mature adults to dismantle a union + walk away with everyone minimally unscathed. It takes two caring adults that despite all unfortunate circumstances to make a concerted effort to raise emotionally healthy, secure children. Even more, it takes two adults dedicated to ensuring that the common goal is always about the children. I am convinced that my need to get along with my ex for the sake of my children has always been my ultimate priority. I am even more convinced that children suffer not because of messy separations but due to immature adults that refuse to remain focused on the best interest of the children.

Softer

December 03, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in history, life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Words were abused in my home + smashed against mistakes as you casually watch your self-esteem fall slowly to the ground. Disputes were adorned in extravagant gifts + gently wrapped in confrontations that never ended with forgiveness. I don’t know what resolution looks like + often times it’s an all-out tussle to find it. Sometimes it’s a street fight where no one wins + I am left with the baggage of seeing way too many adults disagree in unhealthy ways. It’s a thing!

Staying

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in marriage, life, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen, love

I’ve never seen commitment modeled + I wouldn’t recognize it even if it was mirrored daily. I’ve witnessed so many poor examples that even the finest illustrations fall short of my expectation. I am critical of so-called relationships that represent this false sense of excelling. I am not impressed by relationships that hide behind busy children + elaborate hobbies + quiet filters. I am not fascinated by the years together when you reside in separate rooms + live isolated lives. It’s a thing!

My Strength Is In My Womahood

November 07, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, womensupportingwomen, women's rights, white fragility, leadership

What do you do when all you perceive contradicts, what you know to be right? When your ancestors fought for privileges that you never were required to share. Meanwhile life is requiring you to allocate the equity that you are so unfamiliar with rationing. I get it, it’s complicated! In such a conflicting climate, where females are fighting for women’s rights; there is still a silent divide. It’s hidden behind spouses, concealed beneath salaries, nestled in the quaint neighborhoods we choose to reside in + the spaces we decide to occupy with the friends we choose to appease. I get it; its layered!

Celebration Of Women

September 24, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, queer, life, womensupportingwomen

Oh how I love being a woman! When I think of our pulchritudinous splendor, the ability to bring lives into the world, and how we are built like countries, I am reminded of an immigrant exiled from their home. Lost but not forgotten. The amazing truth is that most women don’t know who they are because of one simple truism…we have given away our power!