Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
As a Black woman, the complexities of our experiences are both profound and deeply nuanced. We are often the pillars of our families and communities, socialized and indoctrinated to be caregivers, nurturers, and the steadfast shoulders upon which others lean
Read MoreRest and joy have become my guiding lights, my ministry. I discovered their transformative power during one of the darkest periods of my life, right after my first marriage ended. With my kids' father gone, I faced the daunting task of starting over. In that turbulent season, it was reading and seeking joy that sustained me. I vividly recall the relentless pursuit of happiness, finding reasons to smile even when it felt impossible.
Read MoreIn a world that often adheres to heteronormative and patriarchal norms, being both queer and black can present unique challenges. As individuals who proudly embrace our identities, we navigate the complexities of societal expectations and family dynamics while advocating for respect and understanding. In this blog, we will explore the struggles faced by queer black individuals, particularly within the context of marriage and family, and discuss empowering ways to teach others how to treat us.
Read MoreWhether you're struggling with your own mother wound or looking to support a friend or loved one, we hope you'll find this information helpful.
Read MoreMaintaining friendships as we age can be challenging, but it's essential for our mental health and well-being. In this blog, we'll explore why friendships can be hard to maintain as we age and share some tips for staying connected with the people we care about. We'll also discuss the importance of having friends who are easy to be around and genuinely love spending time with and how this can make staying connected much more accessible.
Read MoreAs a black woman, healing with my wife and kids has been a transformative experience that has strengthened our relationships with each other positively. By working on ourselves individually and as a family unit, we've learned how to communicate better, empathize with each other's struggles, and offer support when needed most. We've also discovered new ways to have fun and create meaningful memories together, bringing us closer. Healing is a journey, but it has allowed us to become a stronger, more connected family.
Read MoreLately, I have been thinking about how the mother wound and its role in the lives of men and women have surfaced as of late. The commitment to healing the fracture of not being loved must be foundational for women. It creates an openness and honesty that is necessary to be in community. When we lack self-love, we become a container for garbage that makes us feel like we must “outdo, out-work, out be” one another. Underneath that confusion is a sobering truth that many women would rather die than admit, most women don’t love themselves.
Read MoreBeing a mother raising a daughter, you quickly realize where your deficits are. Girls become a mirror for the wounded mother that wasn’t loved by their mother outwardly or validated by their father. Girls become a reflection of everything their mothers didn’t learn because shame crippled the generation before them. Girls become an image of all your wishes while at the same time becoming your triggers. I was a black girl that wasn’t accepted. Not because my mother didn’t want to, but because she didn’t have it mirrored back to her in a tangible way that led her to believe it was attainable. My mother didn’t think she could carry such a heavy mantle, so she dropped it, and I graciously picked it up, but not without some scars.
Read MoreI grew up in a dominant family system, raised by a single black mother who was the oldest of 12 children; I should not be the mother I am. I say this as a head nod to my mother but a revelation to myself. I should not be the mother that I am. Truthfully I can’t take the credit solely; my wife is a “G,” and in her defense, she would say that she was much more neglectful with the oldest kids. We admit that it was less to worry about when she raised the older kids. However, today we realize that to raise secure kids, you must be unequivocally secure, or someone will suffer, and I suspect it won’t be just the kids.
Read MoreSome things were not meant to work + if you are blessed to start again with another human being that shares your same values…it’s a win! I have been navigating a blended family for many years, but it always reminds me that relationships need to be decolonized. I am a product of a blended family; my kids are products of a blended family + my wife’s kids are a product of a blended family. The more people to love. The more people to build community. The more people to give children a second chance at having minimal trauma. This is always the plan; however, it takes an enormous amount of work to achieve this goal. It takes open-minded people who have healed their inner child, put their egos in check + most of all want the best for the “children.”
Read MoreIf I could be honest, I haven’t always been aware of my blackness. It was something that I witnessed all of my life along with the perils of watching others carry the burden of being black, but me…I never understood my blackness. My parents were born during a time where there was no way in the hell you could not be aware of your blackness. It was a time when you dare not be conscious of your blackness. A period where, “are you out of your mind, you’s black!” type of era. It was obvious that they didn’t want to live being black + now explain it to me what it was going to represent to me when clearly I had not lived their working day as of yet.
Read MoreI did not grow up with my parents staying together. It was one of the things that I missed the most. Not them specifically being together, but the idea of a love so expansive that it survives. I would have settled for a divorce coupled with a reconciliation that echoes “We did it.” It never happened + I never got to see two people making it, in + out of love. I missed that. It was not like I was a child that whispered, “God please keep my parents together.” I often prayed the opposite + hoped that they find peace individually. However, as I got older, I begin to see that relationships are this complex narrative that everyone tries to figure out. Some people never figure it out because they in no way make it to the part that ends in completion. It just stops. Abruptly sometimes, but all at once. Sometimes it ends so rapidly, everything comes undone + nothing can be salvaged. I was hoping that my parents could reclaim a few things left from the wreckage. But they never survived.
Read MoreAs I sit here wrapped in my thoughts, I am acutely aware of my body. All too often, we have left our bodies before we were ever given the chance to become acquainted with it. We are mere expressions of abuse, neglect + abandonment frequently being reminded of our past as we casually move throughout the world. Most of us were taught to suppress enormous amounts of information in exchange for love or care. Our trauma has played out in the desires we have that are fundamentally disproportionate to the comfort we require daily. The critical issue with quelling our triggers is often we cannot. We must become familiar with the vibrations that remind us that we have never fully recovered.
Read MoreThis picture is a moment of love. Deep love. Measured over moments of struggle + sometimes immense joy. I am learning to enjoy the view. Consume every moment of every second as I watch my daughter become a woman. As she emerges from the residue of trauma from two parents who collided without understanding the capacity of ushering an entire soul earth side. Its complicated! I wait patiently as she wonders will she be like me. I observe her as she begs Spirit to release her from the shackles of my life. I see her. I comfort her daily returning her to herself, the original design. I return to me as well….as I re-mother the broken parts of me.
Read MoreImagine birthing something only to realize you had to let it go. You couldn’t possess it, + you only were allowed to facilitate their growth based on their lived experience. This is parenting. It is the mirror that most of us mistake for our reflection when it really is a glimpse of our unresolved pain. It is a blessing to see the flowers bloom that you plant, but no one ever tells you the times your heart will shatter during certain seasons. No one explains the growth you will endure by raising a part of yourself. No one discusses the guilt you carry from wanting to do everything right while thinking, “I’m failing miserably.” Maybe it’s just me.
Read MoreI have always been ready for love even when I wasn’t as prepared as I would have liked to be. I desired love to fill the empty parts of me without me doing the work of pouring into my own vessel. I was actually incomplete when I met my wife many suns ago. I didn’t realize that wanting something doesn’t necessarily mean that you deserve it. I wanted something that I had not given myself. The nerve of me right? All fractured + frantic for someone not understanding the work that it really required.
Read MoreBeing a woman is birthed from so much pain. The resilience I carry in my stride has carried me through many moments in life. My body has ached from the things it has endured. I am so proud of it. I continue to look at all the ways the world has tried to put in me in a box just because of who I am. It won’t work; however I appreciate how hard society tells me to marry by a certain time + birth just enough children to keep me from ever seeing the light of day. I laugh at how the world embraces the notion that makes me subservient in every space. I never listen because I know that it doesn’t apply to me.
Read MoreThis picture is such a true depiction of you. Always unbothered + beautiful with just enough audacity to be everything for me. Even on days when I try to convince myself that God made a mistake, you show up with a hand full of grace + a heart full of compassion. I’ve learned that loving you is like saying a prayer that is answered daily. I love you proudly + intimately bearing witness to the work the Creator is doing in your life. You anchor everything in love + for that I am grateful.
Read MoreThis is a glimpse of a spiritual partnership. The bigger the work of healing things your parents couldn’t; the higher the risk +the greater the reward. We are responsible for crossing thresholds that we could potentially fall in. This endeavor beckons us to bet on us + all the possibilities while we have yet to fully unpack the power I ancestors had. This entire journey impacts the mere foundation we tread upon daily. Our love is an offering coupled with the work it takes to withstand the totality of an experience that brings about transformation as two new human beings emerge. Its complicated!
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