Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
Love, for me, has always been deeply intertwined with the concept of safety. Many people don’t realize that the discomfort they often feel is rooted more in a lack of safety than in the actual events occurring around them. Before I could seek safety from others, I had to learn to cultivate it within myself.
Read MoreCo-parenting has changed the way I view marriage as a black woman. Being in a healthy co-parenting relationship has shown me the importance of communication, trust, and respect in any relationship. It has also made me work harder on my relationship with my wife. We are constantly learning from each other, communicating more effectively, and supporting each other through the ups and downs of life. Our co-parenting relationship has been a strength and inspiration for our marriage. It has taught me valuable lessons about what it means to love and support your partner truly.
Read MoreAt some point in life, you wake up + realize that everything you desire must be obtained on your own. This sentiment gathers me because I realize that so many people are holding on to things they should have already released. We make things difficult for fear of having to face ourselves. We much prefer to help others see themselves by gently turning the mirror towards the face of a reflection we haven’t recognized in ourselves yet. Its complicated! I wish people understood that the way to freedom is to turn inward. Perhaps if people had a choice to save their life or the life of another person they would unequivocally redeem someone else for fear of not being enough.
Read MoreWhen I decided to love you I asked the Creator one thing + that was to sustain our love. To give us back every year that our parents spent separated + divorced due to addiction. I asked for intentional presence that despite every hurdle we drew closer together. Proximity is everything with you! I asked for us to dwell in love + even when it seemed difficult that it would surface in the last place we put it.
Read MoreI have been sitting quietly, meditating on what exactly to say after I watched the movie US. It was so much to say + yet I wondered where to start. So I chose the obvious. Race. As I look at the faces of black folks, I mourn us for so many reasons. We are years away from our souls + haven’t quite fully recovered nor do I think we ever will. Not in this lifetime anyway. It will take several decades to recover the souls that were snatched from our own land + even more decades to remember who we used to be. The reality is race is something we never knew until it was pointed out to us. It was the damaging effects of how racial preferences have a long institutionalized history that often kept black people from opportunities at the expense of our counterparts. It was African slaves replacing the European indentured servants as a source of free labor. It was the General Sherman’s never making good on his “40 acres and a mule” as reparations. It was Jim Crow laws being instituted in the late 19th Century + not being overturned until the 1960’s which reserved the best, jobs, schools, neighborhoods + hospitals for our counterparts. It was the 1935 Wagner Act which granted collective power + excluded black people from access to better jobs, union protection, healthcare, job security + pensions. It was the the Federal Housing Administration deal known today as “redlining” that was explicitly typing mortgage eligibility to race. It was + continually is the border of justice that has always been clearly defined.
Read MoreLately, I have been mourning the parts of me that carry the pain of holding onto my will for so long. I ache at the thought of surrendering + I cringe at the work that is going into relinquishing years of trauma. My muscles are bruised from the plight of being a single mother. There are parts of me that collapse under years of silence; having to stuff down fragmented sentences hoping that later they would make sense. Make no mistake, the heart listens to the suppressed emotions that eventually manifests in our bodies + the deeper burden is to be aware of it all. With every bit of knowledge and acknowledgment there comes an inevitable lingering despair which beckons us to forgive.
Read MoreThe weight of my skin wakes me up every single morning. I am jolted by the day begging me to be quieter + less black. I crawl out of bed pulling the hopes of my ancestors from under years of self-degradation praying that my parent’s trauma doesn’t trip me up today. Trusting that my vernacular is articulate enough to get your attention because most days I am injured by the explanations; bruised by the shape-shifting + code switching. Transforming to fit into something worthy of being acceptable + magnificent. Grasping the understanding that we wouldn’t return or recover. Reminded that being glorious is dangerous, especially when you are black. Warriors must walk lightly taking into consideration their gifts as well as their frailties. We hail from things that are fascinating, but up close can be misconstrued as ice sculptures; gorgeous + emotionless.
Read MoreLife is mysterious + magical in the most ironic way. It can be filled with deep sadness; yet infused with the most exuberant moments. My existence was tested this year when I was met with the challenge of being married + navigating a long distance relationship while my wife wrapped up her old life to build a new one with me. My entire creation was questioned when I made the decision to remove my mother from my life while being an only child with an estranged father. Meanwhile, the ancestors were working on my behalf as I was navigating the laborious process of purchasing my first home. Not to mention, I was on the cusp of turning 40 + not a minute too soon. Evolution was demanding a more resolved woman that didn’t consume the room upon entrance with heavily weighted credentials but a voice doused in quiet strength determined to chart her own path.
Read MoreI’ve been trying to nestle into a new space, find solace in fulfilling work, create the marriage I never saw while raising secure children. Looking for a gentle place where security is a constant, love is mirrored daily + my children can thrive is a delicate balancing act. It’s seems effortless as I ravel off years of rhetoric coupled with theories doused in all the residencies I attended just to be able to apply knowledge to my own life. The mere fact that I can write such a candid narrative is evidence that the scars of my ancestors are being healed.
Read MoreAs I get older, I slowly become aware of all there is to me. I learn to heal quicker, sit in things longer to get a better understanding, forgive quicker, love more, admit when learning a lesson is painful, and cry from a space of healing. Also, I understand that I should never compromise a whole abundant gallon size me for a watered down pint size version. So becomes the un-equipping of years of overcompensating, not speaking up, and abandoning the Divine in me.
Read MoreI remember vividly, when I recognized that I could no longer pray away my queerness. It was as if my world ended while simultaneously crushing the dreams of my family. You do understand that everything you are rests solely on the approval of your family? Meanwhile, I was dying inside as I suppressed my feelings and stifled my pain. The truth is when I consciously decided to not accept myself, I involuntarily made myself invisible to others.
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