Healing as a Black Woman with My Wife and Kids: How It Transformed Our Relationships

March 20, 2023 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black blended families, black professionals, generational healing, LGBTQIA, motherhood, personal growth, self-improvement

As a black woman, healing with my wife and kids has been a transformative experience that has strengthened our relationships with each other positively. By working on ourselves individually and as a family unit, we've learned how to communicate better, empathize with each other's struggles, and offer support when needed most. We've also discovered new ways to have fun and create meaningful memories together, bringing us closer. Healing is a journey, but it has allowed us to become a stronger, more connected family.

Notes on turning 44: Why not joy?

October 27, 2022 by Ikeranda Smith in Atlanta Georgia, black blended families, black professionals, children, gen x, generational healing, life, love, parenting, motherhood, raising secure kids

Why not love, or fun, possibly ease? How about a nap? Let’s relax and do nothing. Better yet, let’s skip a day of seriousness and be silly. I have always been quite hilarious; it’s one of the things I could do effortlessly in my life. It didn’t require anything of me. It took little to no effort, and I always got people to laugh. Then I realized that when you are known for certain things, people don’t want your truth, and they sure don’t want the weight of what it costs you to smile all the time. So, I stopped. I came to a screeching halt. I began to take like seriously, or maybe it just got severe, but whatever it was, I decided over 15 years ago to grow up.

CanadaTheGreat, Don't Forget To Love Yourself!

September 13, 2022 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, family, love, parenting, relationships, raising secure kids

Being a mother raising a daughter, you quickly realize where your deficits are. Girls become a mirror for the wounded mother that wasn’t loved by their mother outwardly or validated by their father. Girls become a reflection of everything their mothers didn’t learn because shame crippled the generation before them. Girls become an image of all your wishes while at the same time becoming your triggers. I was a black girl that wasn’t accepted. Not because my mother didn’t want to, but because she didn’t have it mirrored back to her in a tangible way that led her to believe it was attainable. My mother didn’t think she could carry such a heavy mantle, so she dropped it, and I graciously picked it up, but not without some scars.

Overcoming

June 08, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, fatherhood, generational healing, love, people of color, relationships

I did not grow up with my parents staying together. It was one of the things that I missed the most. Not them specifically being together, but the idea of a love so expansive that it survives. I would have settled for a divorce coupled with a reconciliation that echoes “We did it.” It never happened + I never got to see two people making it, in + out of love. I missed that. It was not like I was a child that whispered, “God please keep my parents together.” I often prayed the opposite + hoped that they find peace individually. However, as I got older, I begin to see that relationships are this complex narrative that everyone tries to figure out. Some people never figure it out because they in no way make it to the part that ends in completion. It just stops. Abruptly sometimes, but all at once. Sometimes it ends so rapidly, everything comes undone + nothing can be salvaged. I was hoping that my parents could reclaim a few things left from the wreckage. But they never survived.

Gone Too Soon

November 16, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, relationships, spirituality

Black people often laugh a lot because it is the thing that keeps us sane. It is the only space where we can reside without using our energy to preserve the ego of someone else. We chuckle loudly because it is the defense mechanism we learned from our slave owners when we loss loved one’s due to death. It killed us keeping up facades that wounded our smile. It murdered us to lose all emotion to the things that mattered most. It desensitized us to pain + we learned how to watch suffering with a straight face. It became a narrative that we became accustomed to. It taught us how to swallow our troubles + pretend that they didn’t exist…knowing full well we were never good.

My Modern Family

August 19, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, parenting, motherhood

This image impeccably illustrates my life. Uninhabited + varied; yet filled with loads of oxymoron’s coupled with a lot of love. Our life is full of many imperfections; but it just works! I envision somewhere in the near future; we will weep tears of joy witnessing this moment come together. This moment is a flourishing smile from the Universe with an assurance that everything is always working out.