Leading With Love and Compassion
This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.
As we celebrate Pride Month, I want to take a moment to share a bit about my journey as a Queer Black woman navigating the intersections of life. For many of us in the LGBTQIA+ community, our experiences are diverse. Some navigate the world freely, while others live their lives more anonymously. Yet, a shared experience for many of us is the need to come out multiple times, even after our initial coming out.
Read MoreAs a Black queer woman, I've traversed a complex landscape of love, identity, and understanding within the context of my marriage. I vividly recall observing my wife's interactions with her nephews, sensing a tender longing for something she felt she lacked. Despite her deep love for her father, their relationship was shadowed by the complexities of alcoholism, divorce, and a blended family.
Read MoreAs I sit here wrapped in my thoughts, I am acutely aware of my body. All too often, we have left our bodies before we were ever given the chance to become acquainted with it. We are mere expressions of abuse, neglect + abandonment frequently being reminded of our past as we casually move throughout the world. Most of us were taught to suppress enormous amounts of information in exchange for love or care. Our trauma has played out in the desires we have that are fundamentally disproportionate to the comfort we require daily. The critical issue with quelling our triggers is often we cannot. We must become familiar with the vibrations that remind us that we have never fully recovered.
Read MoreThis is a glimpse of a spiritual partnership. The bigger the work of healing things your parents couldn’t; the higher the risk +the greater the reward. We are responsible for crossing thresholds that we could potentially fall in. This endeavor beckons us to bet on us + all the possibilities while we have yet to fully unpack the power I ancestors had. This entire journey impacts the mere foundation we tread upon daily. Our love is an offering coupled with the work it takes to withstand the totality of an experience that brings about transformation as two new human beings emerge. Its complicated!
Read MoreI am learning to love someone you have to collapse into yourself. Like really collapse to the point of humility. Real love leaves no room for ego. It requires vulnerability that devours shame + pushes you into interdependence. I am sure that years ago when I was in my 20’s if I have given into this belief, I would have drowned in my own guilt. I would not have been able to carry the mantle that “this” kind of love requires. I would have completely given in to the traditional narrative + turned all of my rage in own myself. I am sure of it!
Read MoreThere are times in life when all you know to do is surrender. Surrender to the process. the pain, the hurt + the uncertainty all in an effort to do something different while saving an entire generation. When I chose this life, this time I was sure that I wanted to live it “in love.” Not for the sake of companionship, but for the sake of growth, purpose + ease. I didn’t want to spend my life in a space of selfishness, although it was tempting. I wanted to grow. Despite sometimes being scared, I wanted to see if I was capable of being more than a liar, a cheater, a spoiled insecure black woman that needed someone to validate me. I wanted to see if I was capable of putting someone before my kids, my family + my career just for me to see the best in myself. Its entirely too complicated for this blog post.
Read MoreWith the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.
Read MoreLove is something that I am learning to reverence with humility when faced with my fears. I am recognizing that standing in love is not the problem; instead its remaining still when the foundation can be easily swallowed by my ego or trampled by my pride. Some days I marvel at how far we’ve come trapped beneath all of these unmet needs + endless triggers. It’s like trying to find safety in the midst of a hurricane. I admit I have no idea how your patience holds an appetite once I’ve swallowed it whole. I acknowledge that I am afraid of the constant shifting. I wonder how things will unfold as we evolve + will our intention remain the same; pure + devoted.
Read MoreMaking relationships work with another human being comes at a high price especially when you are trying to do something you have never witnessed. Partnerships are messy, raising children can be complicated + loving yourself in the process of unpacking another individual’s trauma can bring about a whole new set of challenges. I am convinced that Spirit had a sense of humor when they constructed the beautiful idea of connecting with another individual.
Read MoreWhen I look at you I am reminded of all the petitions I have asked of the Creator. You + I are so non-traditional; yet we are anchored in love. Not the adoration that is whimsical drenched in false narratives. Not the admiration that lives for the surface dynamics with massive amounts of sex without substance. We aren’t even the appreciation that only speaks of the good because those of us that are really breaking generational trauma fully understand that love is far from cliché + if you are making it work you are doing everything different than what your family did.
Read MoreWe have known each other for years, but we learn more about one another daily. Raising children while raising ourselves + nurturing our union has been quite a juggling act. We have recognized that our union is always the focus. We must stay together + model healthy love not just for us but for other black queer couples. Falling in love with a fallacy is the demise of black families because we fail for an image that we never created. So we are all trying to make peace with a narrative that escaped the ship when the rest of our ancestors did.
Read MoreThis image impeccably illustrates my life. Uninhabited + varied; yet filled with loads of oxymoron’s coupled with a lot of love. Our life is full of many imperfections; but it just works! I envision somewhere in the near future; we will weep tears of joy witnessing this moment come together. This moment is a flourishing smile from the Universe with an assurance that everything is always working out.
Read MoreMaking life work with you is revolutionary + necessary. Not because we are perfect or that we couldn’t be with someone else that oozes with pulchritudinous splendor, but rather we want to make our love work. Every day I pray for you to keep evolving in this space we are cultivating for both of us to expand. Every day I pray that we work harder on our character than we do on staying. See staying is nothing without the will to be forgiving. Hell, staying is nothing without the capacity to see the worst in someone + say “you good...I promise I got you.” Truth is staying is nothing without the testimony of how we make this work.
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This relationship started from a simple email sent all the way from Nairobi, Kenya 🇰🇪 from a beautiful light that decided to take a chance on building a friendship. Who knew? Who knew that we would have a mutual affinity for one another? Who knew that as soon as she had a business trip to the states that it was imperative that we share time + space?
Read MoreLoving my wife has come out of necessity, the desire to get something right. To succeed at relating to another human being in the most intimate way when you have never seen healthy relationships. When witnessing abusive love coupled with complacent love not to mention toxic love throughout your life you live in a perpetual space of survival. Working to beat the odds for fear of letting down an entire generation. It’s complicated!
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We love deeply because how else do you adore the woman that resembles your past; yet works hard to heal your future. I don’t know how after 15 years, distance, heartbreak, past lovers, mistakes, trauma, children, divorce + everything in between has kept us this in love. They say courting is not for bringing you together; but seeing if life can tear you apart. I would agree 100%! We see each other in ways that our parents didn’t get a chance to because of our father’s addiction. It’s complicated!
Read MoreThere is a saintly aura that transcends my life every time seasons change. I can feel it in my bones, my back aches + my mind tries to coerce my spirit into thinking this feeling will pass, but the flesh won’t allow it to subside. It is no surprise that I am deeply introspective + probably more honest than others care for me to be. Blame it on my tragic beginning, all the hearts I broke, the lies I told + the trauma I ingested. I gather my mistakes + rinse them daily because unlike most people I see myself clearly because I like my coffee dark with lots of self- reflection. I sit in every choice + every regret until I can cover every circumstance in forgiveness. Lately I’ve experienced all kind of loss which reminds me that I’m still learning how to let grief take a seat until its ready to vacate my sanctuary.
Read MoreI have been searching diligently, quietly summoning every ancestor while chasing my purpose fully understanding that the Creator + I are in a deep covenant. I question every intention, every motivation, ensuring that my will is put in check + that my ego is buried. I die to myself daily debating my choices, scrutinizing every word that falls from my lips. Why? Because I know that I am responsible for everyone that comes across my path. I am crystal clear about many things in my life, but some things are extremely blurry; terrifyingly unclear to the point that I am often left humbled to a whisper. Often crouched in a corner with tears streaming, staring aimlessly at my plans hoping they align with the Most High.
Read MoreI consciously live in color as it relates to my relationship with my wife. Intentionally dissecting the effort, it takes to love another human being. Regularly our conversations consist of what it takes to make a marriage work when we have never witnessed a successful union. Frequently, we communicate the pain that stains our perspective as we contemplate the route we should take to unhinge our own wills. Often we forgive fully understanding that love is a choice + we don’t always get to decide on how we get to distribute it. It’s eerily complicated! A space only those who dare reside can humbly admit, it’s everything you hoped + nothing like you ever expected.
Read MoreThere is a heartbreaking tenderness about black folks. A majestic story that is spoken through stolen slaves + subjugated bodies. Our faces are centuries away from our soul; yet we carry the smile of humanness. An accessibility we would allow if we knew how to enter our own spirits. It’s evident that our feet carry the shackles of insecurities proven to shatter relationships when we come up against our own likeness. We struggle to love due to the threats that were made to keep us isolated. Oh, how I love being black. Did you think I wouldn’t after I divulged some of our frailties? Despite our struggles, we are larger than life, precious jewels that create art through our pain while we use laughter as a salve to heal so that we may survive yet another day.
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