Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

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Ready For Love

April 19, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, generational healing, relationships, queer, marriage

I have always been ready for love even when I wasn’t as prepared as I would have liked to be. I desired love to fill the empty parts of me without me doing the work of pouring into my own vessel. I was actually incomplete when I met my wife many suns ago. I didn’t realize that wanting something doesn’t necessarily mean that you deserve it. I wanted something that I had not given myself. The nerve of me right? All fractured + frantic for someone not understanding the work that it really required.

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April 19, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
love, queer and black, marriage, relationships, generational healing
black, generational healing, relationships, queer, marriage

Forever

March 15, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, queer, relationships

18 years of knowing you + still counting….I am grateful for the person you are becoming.

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March 15, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
love, queer marriage
black, LGBTQIA, love, queer, relationships

Tulips Bloom When They Want

March 01, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black mothers, children, love, parenting, motherhood, relationships

There are moments in life when you have to make a decision that hurts you in places that you can’t seem to articulate. When you reach for the words, you can’t even begin to complete the sentences for fear of running into your own feelings. I understand the amount of work it takes to stay sane. It is dangerous when you leave doors + windows unlocked to a house you never owned keys to. It will leave you vacant in ways that you often wonder who ever granted permission to so many unworthy people.

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March 01, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
women's rights, women, finding peace
black mothers, children, love, parenting, motherhood, relationships

Mutual

February 22, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, marriage, queer, relationships, spirituality

This picture is such a true depiction of you. Always unbothered + beautiful with just enough audacity to be everything for me. Even on days when I try to convince myself that God made a mistake, you show up with a hand full of grace + a heart full of compassion. I’ve learned that loving you is like saying a prayer that is answered daily. I love you proudly + intimately bearing witness to the work the Creator is doing in your life. You anchor everything in love + for that I am grateful.

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February 22, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
love, black love, grace, relationships
black, LGBTQIA, love, marriage, queer, relationships, spirituality

Incessant Black Love

February 15, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, loveislove, marriage, relationships, spirituality

This is a glimpse of a spiritual partnership. The bigger the work of healing things your parents couldn’t; the higher the risk +the greater the reward. We are responsible for crossing thresholds that we could potentially fall in. This endeavor beckons us to bet on us + all the possibilities while we have yet to fully unpack the power I ancestors had. This entire journey impacts the mere foundation we tread upon daily. Our love is an offering coupled with the work it takes to withstand the totality of an experience that brings about transformation as two new human beings emerge. Its complicated!

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February 15, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
loveislove, black love, black joy, lgbtqia, relationships
black, LGBTQIA, love, loveislove, marriage, relationships, spirituality

The Man I Never Knew

February 01, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black fathers, children, love, parenting, relationships, spirituality

When I think about my father + I there are few memories. Some of which are tainted with absence, addiction, laughter + hurt; yet it all tells a beautiful story of a man I never knew. When I think over the history of my life experiencing my father, I remember the silence of a man that never understood the power of his own words due to the pain of his own parents. His laughter was filled with all the things that he often desired as a child but never got to enjoy until he became a man. His stature was built from being torn down from the lack of a mothers’ touch, a father’s affirmation + a world that didn’t see the value in him. His anger was often like the wind, unpredictable + harsh; but if you were armed with the right stance you could learn a lot from his breeze.

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February 01, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
fathers, daughters, family, growth
black, black fathers, children, love, parenting, relationships, spirituality

Reflections

January 25, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, marriage, queer, purpose, relationships

I am understanding that you must respect truth + all the many forms that it comes in. Pain is pervasive sometimes in that it surfaces through the most joyous moments. I honor that truth even though it can be fragile, frayed with jagged edges promising not to injure once it released…it does…at least …sometimes! Nevertheless, I take a deep breath daily as I listen to the pain of various people. Hoping not to see another failed relationship. So I hold space until we as people can ground ourselves in love + accountability. Truth always maims even when you are aware of it. It amputates limbs that have been used to oppress others from recycled trauma. It’s complicated!

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January 25, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
love, marriage, black love
black, LGBTQIA, love, marriage, queer, purpose, relationships

New Beginning With Ike

January 11, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black fathers, relationships, personal growth

I have spent my entire life making sense of my parents in an effort to make peace with my childhood. When people look at a woman who has been abandoned by her father, it becomes a reflection of every other man that walked away because it was too hard to stay. Her words are often weaponized due to the experiences she has endured. She will build a fortress of barriers that will hurt her to construct but it will be safer than the embrace of a man. Her heart will often remain tucked in places she buries + forgets to check hoping someone finds it minimally damaged. Its quite complicated!

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January 11, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
love, daughters, black men, fathers
black, black fathers, relationships, personal growth

We Are A Revolution

January 04, 2021 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, loveislove, LGBTQIA, marriage, relationships

I am learning to love someone you have to collapse into yourself. Like really collapse to the point of humility. Real love leaves no room for ego. It requires vulnerability that devours shame + pushes you into interdependence. I am sure that years ago when I was in my 20’s if I have given into this belief, I would have drowned in my own guilt. I would not have been able to carry the mantle that “this” kind of love requires. I would have completely given in to the traditional narrative + turned all of my rage in own myself. I am sure of it!

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January 04, 2021 /Ikeranda Smith
love, queer marriage, queer black love
black, love, loveislove, LGBTQIA, marriage, relationships

Ultra Black

November 30, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, relationships

There are moments + times when your family is created by difficult circumstances designed to tear you apart. They happen so suddenly that you are unable to prepare for them. You know the situations that leave the family in disarray + everyone heartbroken; frayed from unspoken truths. Often times you are left with the reality that we “just didn’t talk enough.”

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November 30, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
family, black families
black, life, relationships

Gone Too Soon

November 16, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, relationships, spirituality

Black people often laugh a lot because it is the thing that keeps us sane. It is the only space where we can reside without using our energy to preserve the ego of someone else. We chuckle loudly because it is the defense mechanism we learned from our slave owners when we loss loved one’s due to death. It killed us keeping up facades that wounded our smile. It murdered us to lose all emotion to the things that mattered most. It desensitized us to pain + we learned how to watch suffering with a straight face. It became a narrative that we became accustomed to. It taught us how to swallow our troubles + pretend that they didn’t exist…knowing full well we were never good.

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November 16, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
death, family, black family
life, love, relationships, spirituality

Canada’s Corner

November 09, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, relationships

When I think about my time as a young precocious girl, I am often saddened due to the loneliness I endured. There were some generations that spent more time working than speaking. I often saw adults consumed with everything but their children under the guise that we were so responsible. Unfortunately, we were too responsible for our own good. We often buried ourselves in distractions that often lead us astray. Of course I am speaking from my own lived experience, so don’t mind me. I realize that if I wanted my parent’s attention, I had to get it by misbehaving because being good often got ignored due to other pressing issues. Its complicated!

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November 09, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
children, parents, co-parenting, daughters
black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, relationships

The Evolution of Mavis

November 02, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, motherhood, spirituality, relationships

I am convinced that my love for myself has healed my mother. It is her permission to bloom + relax even though we have years of pain to apologize for. I listen to my mother’s pain + it tells a story of what I might come across on my journey. So I pack light! Never wanting to carry more than I need. I embrace the lessons, admit when things hurt still + listen with my heart. I understand that even when we vent there is still more pain that needs to be removed. So I am reminded to be gentle with myself + her because truthfully, we are one in the same.

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November 02, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
mothers, motherhood, daughters, black
black, black mothers, motherhood, spirituality, relationships

Parenting A Middle Schooler During A Pandemic

October 26, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black mothers, children, life, motherhood, relationships

There are many moments as a parent that I am in awe of the Canada’s design. I admit, her design is unmatched when I look back at my younger self. Not to compare + contrast the various idiosyncrasies that we have, but I am grateful. Many times as parents we have inserted our own frailties in an effort to help our children along, forgetting they don’t belong to us. I have asked forgiveness, made stronger bonds + sadly made a few dents along the way. Bygones! We persist!

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October 26, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
motherhood, growth, love
black mothers, children, life, motherhood, relationships
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Love During A Pandemic

October 19, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, purpose, queer, relationships

With the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.

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October 19, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
love, black love, marriage, queer black love
black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, purpose, queer, relationships
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Being In Service

October 12, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black middle class, careers, education, life, purpose, relationships

Whenever I am asked to do anything I always consider two things: is this person representative of the things I value + how can God use me to be a vessel. It is important for me to remain a student worthy of the spaces that the Universe allows me to enter. It is central to my beliefs to remain relatable to my audience so that my message doesn’t get misconstrued by an inflated ego. It is imperative for me to always remain humble, kind + teachable so that the person that I am makes room for the person I am becoming.

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October 12, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
service, love, work, professional development
black, black middle class, careers, education, life, purpose, relationships
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The Call To Love

October 05, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, marriage, loveislove, love, relationships, spirituality

Love is something that I am learning to reverence with humility when faced with my fears. I am recognizing that standing in love is not the problem; instead its remaining still when the foundation can be easily swallowed by my ego or trampled by my pride. Some days I marvel at how far we’ve come trapped beneath all of these unmet needs + endless triggers. It’s like trying to find safety in the midst of a hurricane. I admit I have no idea how your patience holds an appetite once I’ve swallowed it whole. I acknowledge that I am afraid of the constant shifting. I wonder how things will unfold as we evolve + will our intention remain the same; pure + devoted.

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October 05, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
love, lgbtqia, life, relationships, marriage, partnership
black, LGBTQIA, marriage, loveislove, love, relationships, spirituality

Incessant Black Joy

September 28, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, motherhood, relationships

Parenting is hard for reasons that you can’t begin to write in one post. Its intricate, overwhelming, amazing, frightening, stressful, unbelievably joyous; yet every day I sit before the Creator + wonder “Hey God you sure I’m the right one for this gig?” I look at my son + intentionally teach him how to unravel himself from all the constructs the world tries to enforce upon him. Affirming him is my daily prayer, my first cup of coffee before I enter my day. It’s complicated!

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September 28, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
motherhood, mothers, black boys
black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, motherhood, relationships
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Divine Love

September 21, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, relationships, spirituality

Relationships are so delicate + crafted by every other relationship we have experienced or the lack thereof. My wife + I often speak of how we discard people for seemingly better designs. We often think our partners will take the place of our friendships or vice versa, but truthfully all relationships have their own special space. Every dynamic deserves its own reverence. Relationships are holy. Every. Single. One.

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September 21, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
love, lgbtqia, loveislove, queer, marriage, partnership
black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, relationships, spirituality
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Taboo No More

September 14, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, children, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, mental health, personal growth, relationships, spirituality

I used to carry the weight of not knowing about the things that plagued my parents. I watched my mother crawl into bed everyday + wrap the burden of a disease un-diagnosed around her for security. We often choose religion instead of science to keep the lie our families tell us. We suffer in silence afraid to live a better quality of life. We suffer in quietness scared to let down the very people that often put us in these positions. I want to be the story that everyone desires to read because I found freedom is releasing myself from the shame of suffering.

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September 14, 2020 /Ikeranda Smith
mental health, taboo, mental wellness, ptsd, depression, black and mental health, lqbtqia
black, children, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, mental health, personal growth, relationships, spirituality
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