Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

Gone Too Soon

November 16, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, relationships, spirituality

Black people often laugh a lot because it is the thing that keeps us sane. It is the only space where we can reside without using our energy to preserve the ego of someone else. We chuckle loudly because it is the defense mechanism we learned from our slave owners when we loss loved one’s due to death. It killed us keeping up facades that wounded our smile. It murdered us to lose all emotion to the things that mattered most. It desensitized us to pain + we learned how to watch suffering with a straight face. It became a narrative that we became accustomed to. It taught us how to swallow our troubles + pretend that they didn’t exist…knowing full well we were never good.

Canada’s Corner

November 09, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, relationships

When I think about my time as a young precocious girl, I am often saddened due to the loneliness I endured. There were some generations that spent more time working than speaking. I often saw adults consumed with everything but their children under the guise that we were so responsible. Unfortunately, we were too responsible for our own good. We often buried ourselves in distractions that often lead us astray. Of course I am speaking from my own lived experience, so don’t mind me. I realize that if I wanted my parent’s attention, I had to get it by misbehaving because being good often got ignored due to other pressing issues. Its complicated!

Love During A Pandemic

October 19, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, purpose, queer, relationships

With the recent pandemic my wife + I have been creating moments to find more intimacy. You know the instances where you speak with no words; yet you understand one another. Since the kids have been home with remote learning we have made a concerted effort to stay connected because we understand that during these difficult times it is easy to lose sight of things. With a house full of HSP’s (highly sensitive people) we all must find moments to create laughter, love + tons of compassion. However, the joy is my wife + I beginning to ride this invisible wave of understanding despite children + careers. We have started to recognize the importance of loving each other through difficult moments even when we don’t want to.

The Call To Love

October 05, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, marriage, loveislove, love, relationships, spirituality

Love is something that I am learning to reverence with humility when faced with my fears. I am recognizing that standing in love is not the problem; instead its remaining still when the foundation can be easily swallowed by my ego or trampled by my pride. Some days I marvel at how far we’ve come trapped beneath all of these unmet needs + endless triggers. It’s like trying to find safety in the midst of a hurricane. I admit I have no idea how your patience holds an appetite once I’ve swallowed it whole. I acknowledge that I am afraid of the constant shifting. I wonder how things will unfold as we evolve + will our intention remain the same; pure + devoted.

Incessant Black Joy

September 28, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, motherhood, relationships

Parenting is hard for reasons that you can’t begin to write in one post. Its intricate, overwhelming, amazing, frightening, stressful, unbelievably joyous; yet every day I sit before the Creator + wonder “Hey God you sure I’m the right one for this gig?” I look at my son + intentionally teach him how to unravel himself from all the constructs the world tries to enforce upon him. Affirming him is my daily prayer, my first cup of coffee before I enter my day. It’s complicated!

Divine Love

September 21, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, relationships, spirituality

Relationships are so delicate + crafted by every other relationship we have experienced or the lack thereof. My wife + I often speak of how we discard people for seemingly better designs. We often think our partners will take the place of our friendships or vice versa, but truthfully all relationships have their own special space. Every dynamic deserves its own reverence. Relationships are holy. Every. Single. One.

Taboo No More

September 14, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, children, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, mental health, personal growth, relationships, spirituality

I used to carry the weight of not knowing about the things that plagued my parents. I watched my mother crawl into bed everyday + wrap the burden of a disease un-diagnosed around her for security. We often choose religion instead of science to keep the lie our families tell us. We suffer in silence afraid to live a better quality of life. We suffer in quietness scared to let down the very people that often put us in these positions. I want to be the story that everyone desires to read because I found freedom is releasing myself from the shame of suffering.

Forgiveness: The New Antidote

September 07, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, personal growth, queer, relationships

Making relationships work with another human being comes at a high price especially when you are trying to do something you have never witnessed. Partnerships are messy, raising children can be complicated + loving yourself in the process of unpacking another individual’s trauma can bring about a whole new set of challenges. I am convinced that Spirit had a sense of humor when they constructed the beautiful idea of connecting with another individual.

Loving You Is Communion

August 31, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, LGBTQIA, loveislove, marriage, queer, relationships

When I look at you I am reminded of all the petitions I have asked of the Creator. You + I are so non-traditional; yet we are anchored in love. Not the adoration that is whimsical drenched in false narratives. Not the admiration that lives for the surface dynamics with massive amounts of sex without substance. We aren’t even the appreciation that only speaks of the good because those of us that are really breaking generational trauma fully understand that love is far from cliché + if you are making it work you are doing everything different than what your family did.

The Quest To Model Healthy Love

August 24, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in love, loveislove, marriage, queer, relationships

We have known each other for years, but we learn more about one another daily. Raising children while raising ourselves + nurturing our union has been quite a juggling act. We have recognized that our union is always the focus. We must stay together + model healthy love not just for us but for other black queer couples. Falling in love with a fallacy is the demise of black families because we fail for an image that we never created. So we are all trying to make peace with a narrative that escaped the ship when the rest of our ancestors did.

My Modern Family

August 19, 2020 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, parenting, motherhood

This image impeccably illustrates my life. Uninhabited + varied; yet filled with loads of oxymoron’s coupled with a lot of love. Our life is full of many imperfections; but it just works! I envision somewhere in the near future; we will weep tears of joy witnessing this moment come together. This moment is a flourishing smile from the Universe with an assurance that everything is always working out.

Making Love Work

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, LGBTQIA, loveislove, marriage, relationships, spirituality

Making life work with you is revolutionary + necessary. Not because we are perfect or that we couldn’t be with someone else that oozes with pulchritudinous splendor, but rather we want to make our love work. Every day I pray for you to keep evolving in this space we are cultivating for both of us to expand. Every day I pray that we work harder on our character than we do on staying. See staying is nothing without the will to be forgiving. Hell, staying is nothing without the capacity to see the worst in someone + say “you good...I promise I got you.” Truth is staying is nothing without the testimony of how we make this work.

Generations

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, history, life, love, parenting, people of color, relationships

This moment is healing in motion striving to overcome the absence of women that put strained obligations of family + career before their children. Bygones! These smiles are therapeutic chandeliers that we are now beginning to hang in lieu of carrying the burdens of unmet needs of endless generations. These emotions are amplified from years of suppressing joy due to abusive lovers, absent parents, neglectful grandparents, Jim Crow, share cropping + clandestine meetings shared between broken adults recycling trauma. It’s complicated! Being black is complicated!

New Normal

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, love, parenting, relationships, spirituality

So here we are stepping into a new season. Somewhere I imagined this day. I even anticipated it. The day your moon would come to claim you as its own. I remember when you looked at me with such uncertainty, hoping that my love never diminished. Praying that this was the moment we empathized with each other because we could now understand the journey we both were taking. Isn’t it miraculous how the Universe climbs into our lap without warning only to swallow our fears and replace them with massive portions of purpose that will only fit in the Creators hands?

Lessons

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black female doctors, black, careers, education, leadership, love, people of color, personal development

I have come to realize that the cost of living authentically is expensive because it requires me to take ownership of spaces that typically didn’t welcome my ancestors. It’s requires a responsibility that unravels in every action, word + deed. It requires discipline to stay before the Creator not to confess my limitations but rather to express my upmost gratitude. It also requires a burden that most people don’t desire to carry due to the obligation to ignite others to pick up their mantle + race to accomplish their purpose.

First Moon Celebration

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, children, black mothers, leadership, love, motherhood, parenting, relationships, spirituality

This moment is essential not because it’s a photo of black women but it’s a snapshot of generations being healed + patterns being broken. When I divorced my kids father I didn’t understand the gravity of witnessing a family being torn apart by epigenetic trauma while trying to balance your truth + your kid’s hearts. It’s complicated!

Friendships

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, love, loveislove, people of color, personal growth, queer, relationships

This relationship started from a simple email sent all the way from Nairobi, Kenya 🇰🇪 from a beautiful light that decided to take a chance on building a friendship. Who knew? Who knew that we would have a mutual affinity for one another? Who knew that as soon as she had a business trip to the states that it was imperative that we share time + space?

Mothering

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, love, parenting, people of color, relationships, spirituality

This is my mother + we are re-building what it looks like to be in relationship with one another. When you are desperately “over parented” you spend most of your life in conflict with your caregivers/parents realizing that you never had the option to relax. You ingest anxiety in every interaction always wondering who your mother really is + if she ever desired to be her own woman. It has taken all of my mother’s life + mine to come to a place where we both release the weight of our undue expectations regarding the life we wanted. She didn’t have it to give + I don’t think she wanted to because historically black mothers didn’t have the time to extend love. Grief colored the tone of my mother’s voice leaving most interactions virtually impossible.

Black Love Always

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, queer, relationships, spirituality

When I decided to love you I asked the Creator one thing + that was to sustain our love. To give us back every year that our parents spent separated + divorced due to addiction. I asked for intentional presence that despite every hurdle we drew closer together. Proximity is everything with you! I asked for us to dwell in love + even when it seemed difficult that it would surface in the last place we put it.

Raising My Daughter

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black mothers, children, LGBTQIA, life, love, parenting, motherhood, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

When I see my daughter, I am humbled by her ability to carry the weight of peer pressure + being a middle -schooler like a 4-foot promise. Committed + occasionally drenched in momentary sadness; yet wearing her resilience like a finished sentence. On point + exact! She is everything I wanted to be but never had the space, bygones!