Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

Welcome 2019

January 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color

Every year I enter into a space of deep reflection, not because of overzealous expectations or unrequited interactions. Nor do I feel the need to astound others by overcompensating for the work that is still in progress. Yet and still, I cross the threshold of another year with the weight of things I have incessantly ingested due to realizing I have reached an all new capacity of desiring more. Not more things to perturb me or lofty things that only make others feel that I have arrived. Not even more ostentatious relationships that drain me from the moment salutations are exchanged. Some things take up residence in our bodies + redirect our intentions for no other reason than to waste our time + delay our purpose.

Thank you 2018

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Life is mysterious + magical in the most ironic way. It can be filled with deep sadness; yet infused with the most exuberant moments. My existence was tested this year when I was met with the challenge of being married + navigating a long distance relationship while my wife wrapped up her old life to build a new one with me. My entire creation was questioned when I made the decision to remove my mother from my life while being an only child with an estranged father. Meanwhile, the ancestors were working on my behalf as I was navigating the laborious process of purchasing my first home. Not to mention, I was on the cusp of turning 40 + not a minute too soon. Evolution was demanding a more resolved woman that didn’t consume the room upon entrance with heavily weighted credentials but a voice doused in quiet strength determined to chart her own path.

Parenting From The Highest Place

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, personal growth, parenting, motherhood, queer, relationships, women of color

When I reflect on my years as a parent, I often wonder how am I doing it. I am astonished at how I am able to give my children the very things I missed as a child. I am overwhelmed at how I speak to them + acknowledge their every effort. I am surprised at how I am intentional about exposing them in an effort to spark conversations that will give them the space to be critical thinkers. I often remind my children that I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that I am far from Mary Poppins + I am not even reminiscent of a Claire Huxtable; yet somehow I manage to give them what I never received.

Blended + Intentional

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, parenting, personal development, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

It takes two mature adults to dismantle a union + walk away with everyone minimally unscathed. It takes two caring adults that despite all unfortunate circumstances to make a concerted effort to raise emotionally healthy, secure children. Even more, it takes two adults dedicated to ensuring that the common goal is always about the children. I am convinced that my need to get along with my ex for the sake of my children has always been my ultimate priority. I am even more convinced that children suffer not because of messy separations but due to immature adults that refuse to remain focused on the best interest of the children.

Always On

December 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, leadership, life, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, women's rights, white fragility, relationships

When I walk into a room oftentimes I am cloaked in numerous statistics, concealed by my accolades, + accosted by an overzealous presumptuous person who often feels like I don’t belong. Sometimes I am even exhausted from the door by the frequent questions that only demand the need for my respect or the lack thereof. Moreover, I am never surprised when I have to overlook someone for thinking that their effort with cross-cultural dialogue has now yielded recognition for something they are still unpacking. It’s a thing!

Softer

December 03, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in history, life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Words were abused in my home + smashed against mistakes as you casually watch your self-esteem fall slowly to the ground. Disputes were adorned in extravagant gifts + gently wrapped in confrontations that never ended with forgiveness. I don’t know what resolution looks like + often times it’s an all-out tussle to find it. Sometimes it’s a street fight where no one wins + I am left with the baggage of seeing way too many adults disagree in unhealthy ways. It’s a thing!

Staying

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in marriage, life, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen, love

I’ve never seen commitment modeled + I wouldn’t recognize it even if it was mirrored daily. I’ve witnessed so many poor examples that even the finest illustrations fall short of my expectation. I am critical of so-called relationships that represent this false sense of excelling. I am not impressed by relationships that hide behind busy children + elaborate hobbies + quiet filters. I am not fascinated by the years together when you reside in separate rooms + live isolated lives. It’s a thing!

We Never Recovered

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, relationships, personal development, women of color, history

How do you heal from years of trauma inflicted from one generation to the next? How do you carry the weight of pain that was allocated on you just because it was too heavy to keeping lifting? I am convinced that the residue from years of silenced fears + broken families + illegitimate children coupled with physical + verbal abuse has seemingly disabled us. It has seeped into our homes, coated our walls, soaked our furniture + broken our spirits. We are branded with the scars of perilous times + memories of the middle passage.

Finding Peace

November 07, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, queer, womanaremagic, women of color

I’ve been trying to nestle into a new space, find solace in fulfilling work, create the marriage I never saw while raising secure children. Looking for a gentle place where security is a constant, love is mirrored daily + my children can thrive is a delicate balancing act. It’s seems effortless as I ravel off years of rhetoric coupled with theories doused in all the residencies I attended just to be able to apply knowledge to my own life. The mere fact that I can write such a candid narrative is evidence that the scars of my ancestors are being healed.

My Strength Is In My Womahood

November 07, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, womensupportingwomen, women's rights, white fragility, leadership

What do you do when all you perceive contradicts, what you know to be right? When your ancestors fought for privileges that you never were required to share. Meanwhile life is requiring you to allocate the equity that you are so unfamiliar with rationing. I get it, it’s complicated! In such a conflicting climate, where females are fighting for women’s rights; there is still a silent divide. It’s hidden behind spouses, concealed beneath salaries, nestled in the quaint neighborhoods we choose to reside in + the spaces we decide to occupy with the friends we choose to appease. I get it; its layered!

Evolving

October 23, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, education, leadership, life, personal growth, queer, women of color, womanaremagic

Finding my place in the world has been exhilarating, disconcerting, and often times intimidating. After a few missteps in life, I have slowly learned to do what feels beneficial to me. Ironically, in a world full of pretentious over-doers, I have often felt like my best wasn’t good enough. While all accomplishments are commendable, I have learned that some are often disregarded because they don’t look successful enough by society’s standards. If your hustle is otherworldly like mine, then you quietly devote your life to the things that will allow you to keep your integrity and ultimately make you happy.

The Man Behind My Name

October 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, parenting, personal development, personal growth, relationships, women of color, queer

My father is a strong man. Yet, when I was younger he wasn’t tough enough to stay faithful, or solid enough to be present, not even sturdy enough to be drug-free, and definitely not robust enough to not be physically and verbally abusive. I believe that you have to fully understand a person in order to see the good in them (trust me, I am going somewhere with this). I don’t believe in making excuses for people because some things are just unacceptable! However, clarity is a powerful thing when coupled with understanding.

Weight Of Being Me

October 08, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, women of color

As I get older, I slowly become aware of all there is to me. I learn to heal quicker, sit in things longer to get a better understanding, forgive quicker, love more, admit when learning a lesson is painful, and cry from a space of healing. Also, I understand that I should never compromise a whole abundant gallon size me for a watered down pint size version. So becomes the un-equipping of years of overcompensating, not speaking up, and abandoning the Divine in me.

Acceptance

October 02, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, personal development, queer, relationships, women of color, womanaremagic

I remember vividly, when I recognized that I could no longer pray away my queerness. It was as if my world ended while simultaneously crushing the dreams of my family. You do understand that everything you are rests solely on the approval of your family? Meanwhile, I was dying inside as I suppressed my feelings and stifled my pain. The truth is when I consciously decided to not accept myself, I involuntarily made myself invisible to others.

Celebration Of Women

September 24, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, queer, life, womensupportingwomen

Oh how I love being a woman! When I think of our pulchritudinous splendor, the ability to bring lives into the world, and how we are built like countries, I am reminded of an immigrant exiled from their home. Lost but not forgotten. The amazing truth is that most women don’t know who they are because of one simple truism…we have given away our power!

Adjust Your Feelings To The Fact

September 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, relationships, life, personal growth, personal development

How you feel in life matters about 10 % of the time, and what you do about what you feel matters about 90%. It has taken over half of my life to realize this one simple sentiment and it has been so beneficial to my growth. Often times in life we lead every interaction with “how we feel”. Forget what is being said, overlook that we need to learn, disregard that we did something insolent, ignore that we need to change, stop thinking about the fact that we need to grow and that growth is essential.

The Woman I Never Knew

September 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in motherhood, parenting, women of color, relationships

My mother, Mavis A. Carter (born McRae) is the oldest girl of 12 siblings. She was born in the 1940’s just a few years removed from slavery. The sound of that truth still haunts me; yet allows me immense understanding of who my mother was destined to be. I am a firm believer that every child should fully understand the weight of who your parents are. Alcarez, as she is affectionately called is absolutely forthright, exceptionally amusing, tremendously magnanimous, and relatively convoluted. However, I was blessed with the privilege of having her as a mother. I don’t think I always believed that it was a privilege, but wisdom grows as your experience of the world is elevated.

Allow Me To Introduce Myself: The Quiet Revolutionary

May 13, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, queer, careers, leadership

In my pursuit for a career, it was extremely important to be myself. It was essential to exude my heritage because my ancestors required me to represent the highest version of my elders. The proclivities of my forefathers were anchored in reverence, rooted in intellectual prowess, and cultivated with exceptional discipline. The mere fact that I accepted the mission was revolutionary! So many of my predecessors stopped short of the requirements to fulfill this purpose; therefore, I had no other choice but to be unequivocally original.