Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

Divine

March 12, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, life, loveislove, marriage, people of color, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

I consciously live in color as it relates to my relationship with my wife. Intentionally dissecting the effort, it takes to love another human being. Regularly our conversations consist of what it takes to make a marriage work when we have never witnessed a successful union. Frequently, we communicate the pain that stains our perspective as we contemplate the route we should take to unhinge our own wills. Often we forgive fully understanding that love is a choice + we don’t always get to decide on how we get to distribute it. It’s eerily complicated! A space only those who dare reside can humbly admit, it’s everything you hoped + nothing like you ever expected.

Complexities of Being Black

February 26, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, personal growth, personal development, relationships, women of color, people of color

There is a heartbreaking tenderness about black folks. A majestic story that is spoken through stolen slaves + subjugated bodies. Our faces are centuries away from our soul; yet we carry the smile of humanness. An accessibility we would allow if we knew how to enter our own spirits. It’s evident that our feet carry the shackles of insecurities proven to shatter relationships when we come up against our own likeness. We struggle to love due to the threats that were made to keep us isolated. Oh, how I love being black. Did you think I wouldn’t after I divulged some of our frailties? Despite our struggles, we are larger than life, precious jewels that create art through our pain while we use laughter as a salve to heal so that we may survive yet another day.

Motherhood: A Selfish Act

February 18, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in love, loveislove, motherhood, parenting, relationships

To be perfectly honest, being a mother transformed me. It exposed my agony of growing up without a father + it opened my soul to the woman my mother desired to be. In fact, it reminds me that everything isn’t as easy as it looks + sometimes raising your child looks eerily similar to your own upbringing. I imagine when the Universe bestowed children to individuals, it was a form of endearment. Somehow, I’m still learning how to parent myself hoping that my children make it to adulthood minimally unscathed. Daily I gather my mistakes + rinse them with goodness hoping to see a better reflection of myself. Every day I speak life into my children for all the conversations that escaped me as a child. Regularly, I shower them with love for all the adoration that went towards cultivating a warm house + full fridge. Frequently, I show up with arms wide for all the closed doors + silent evenings that were normalized as security. I’ve learned that the joy of motherhood exists in giving my children what I didn’t have.

To Be Black + A Mother

February 11, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, motherhood, parenting, relationships, women of color

I was raised by a mother who was tough as a fistful of “no thank you’s”; yet resilient enough to beckon the sun to shine even when it was raining. She raised most of her siblings, missed half of the school year working to provide for her family + married the first person that resembled a deep breath. Convinced that she had escaped a life of monotony, she conceived me with a man who never achieved success, so he recycled ignorance. Nevertheless, my mother raised me with fortitude + grace bestowing on me all of her failed dreams + the effects of being neglected. It sounds cruel as if my life was being ruined; however, it was being created from the residue of a generation that carried the weight of being extraordinarily resilient.

To Be Black + In Love

February 04, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, loveislove, relationships

On most days, I am praying for my wife + all the unions that deserve to penetrate darkness. Some weeks my to-do list is just to love her so I stay shackled to humility ensuring that my ego stays beneath my longings to do right. Heartfelt + intentional I seek to exhibit a commitment that resurrects everyday just to succeed. My only wish is to close the gap of the incessant reminders of unresolved trauma. Daily I am reminded of the extraordinary people that have covered my struggles with a blanket of stars as a testament that we can survive. Perhaps our love can cover a multitude of transgressions. So we love…

To Be Black

February 01, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, personal growth, queer, relationships, women of color

The weight of my skin wakes me up every single morning. I am jolted by the day begging me to be quieter + less black. I crawl out of bed pulling the hopes of my ancestors from under years of self-degradation praying that my parent’s trauma doesn’t trip me up today. Trusting that my vernacular is articulate enough to get your attention because most days I am injured by the explanations; bruised by the shape-shifting + code switching. Transforming to fit into something worthy of being acceptable + magnificent. Grasping the understanding that we wouldn’t return or recover. Reminded that being glorious is dangerous, especially when you are black. Warriors must walk lightly taking into consideration their gifts as well as their frailties. We hail from things that are fascinating, but up close can be misconstrued as ice sculptures; gorgeous + emotionless.

Parenting From The Highest Place

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, personal growth, parenting, motherhood, queer, relationships, women of color

When I reflect on my years as a parent, I often wonder how am I doing it. I am astonished at how I am able to give my children the very things I missed as a child. I am overwhelmed at how I speak to them + acknowledge their every effort. I am surprised at how I am intentional about exposing them in an effort to spark conversations that will give them the space to be critical thinkers. I often remind my children that I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that I am far from Mary Poppins + I am not even reminiscent of a Claire Huxtable; yet somehow I manage to give them what I never received.

Blended + Intentional

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, parenting, personal development, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

It takes two mature adults to dismantle a union + walk away with everyone minimally unscathed. It takes two caring adults that despite all unfortunate circumstances to make a concerted effort to raise emotionally healthy, secure children. Even more, it takes two adults dedicated to ensuring that the common goal is always about the children. I am convinced that my need to get along with my ex for the sake of my children has always been my ultimate priority. I am even more convinced that children suffer not because of messy separations but due to immature adults that refuse to remain focused on the best interest of the children.

Always On

December 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, leadership, life, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, women's rights, white fragility, relationships

When I walk into a room oftentimes I am cloaked in numerous statistics, concealed by my accolades, + accosted by an overzealous presumptuous person who often feels like I don’t belong. Sometimes I am even exhausted from the door by the frequent questions that only demand the need for my respect or the lack thereof. Moreover, I am never surprised when I have to overlook someone for thinking that their effort with cross-cultural dialogue has now yielded recognition for something they are still unpacking. It’s a thing!

Staying

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in marriage, life, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen, love

I’ve never seen commitment modeled + I wouldn’t recognize it even if it was mirrored daily. I’ve witnessed so many poor examples that even the finest illustrations fall short of my expectation. I am critical of so-called relationships that represent this false sense of excelling. I am not impressed by relationships that hide behind busy children + elaborate hobbies + quiet filters. I am not fascinated by the years together when you reside in separate rooms + live isolated lives. It’s a thing!

We Never Recovered

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, relationships, personal development, women of color, history

How do you heal from years of trauma inflicted from one generation to the next? How do you carry the weight of pain that was allocated on you just because it was too heavy to keeping lifting? I am convinced that the residue from years of silenced fears + broken families + illegitimate children coupled with physical + verbal abuse has seemingly disabled us. It has seeped into our homes, coated our walls, soaked our furniture + broken our spirits. We are branded with the scars of perilous times + memories of the middle passage.

The Man Behind My Name

October 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, parenting, personal development, personal growth, relationships, women of color, queer

My father is a strong man. Yet, when I was younger he wasn’t tough enough to stay faithful, or solid enough to be present, not even sturdy enough to be drug-free, and definitely not robust enough to not be physically and verbally abusive. I believe that you have to fully understand a person in order to see the good in them (trust me, I am going somewhere with this). I don’t believe in making excuses for people because some things are just unacceptable! However, clarity is a powerful thing when coupled with understanding.

Acceptance

October 02, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, personal development, queer, relationships, women of color, womanaremagic

I remember vividly, when I recognized that I could no longer pray away my queerness. It was as if my world ended while simultaneously crushing the dreams of my family. You do understand that everything you are rests solely on the approval of your family? Meanwhile, I was dying inside as I suppressed my feelings and stifled my pain. The truth is when I consciously decided to not accept myself, I involuntarily made myself invisible to others.

Adjust Your Feelings To The Fact

September 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in women of color, relationships, life, personal growth, personal development

How you feel in life matters about 10 % of the time, and what you do about what you feel matters about 90%. It has taken over half of my life to realize this one simple sentiment and it has been so beneficial to my growth. Often times in life we lead every interaction with “how we feel”. Forget what is being said, overlook that we need to learn, disregard that we did something insolent, ignore that we need to change, stop thinking about the fact that we need to grow and that growth is essential.

The Woman I Never Knew

September 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in motherhood, parenting, women of color, relationships

My mother, Mavis A. Carter (born McRae) is the oldest girl of 12 siblings. She was born in the 1940’s just a few years removed from slavery. The sound of that truth still haunts me; yet allows me immense understanding of who my mother was destined to be. I am a firm believer that every child should fully understand the weight of who your parents are. Alcarez, as she is affectionately called is absolutely forthright, exceptionally amusing, tremendously magnanimous, and relatively convoluted. However, I was blessed with the privilege of having her as a mother. I don’t think I always believed that it was a privilege, but wisdom grows as your experience of the world is elevated.

The Power of Commitment

August 27, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in queer, marriage, relationships

There is no mystery that it takes an unusual amount of work to make a relationship work. As a matter of fact, I am convinced the strength of your relationship does not surface until two completely different individuals are nestled underneath the same roof seemingly living life. Meanwhile there is always the weight of reality that settles on the cracks of your delicate foundation as you pray that the structure doesn’t give under massive pressure; yet we strategically construct elaborate plans to pursue elusive #relationshipgoals. The truth is relationships are not merely some make-shift perfunctory union; rather it is an intentionally crafted business that decides to make things work.