Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

Looking For The Door

April 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, education, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, queer, relationships, spirituality, women of color

I have been searching diligently, quietly summoning every ancestor while chasing my purpose fully understanding that the Creator + I are in a deep covenant. I question every intention, every motivation, ensuring that my will is put in check + that my ego is buried. I die to myself daily debating my choices, scrutinizing every word that falls from my lips. Why? Because I know that I am responsible for everyone that comes across my path. I am crystal clear about many things in my life, but some things are extremely blurry; terrifyingly unclear to the point that I am often left humbled to a whisper. Often crouched in a corner with tears streaming, staring aimlessly at my plans hoping they align with the Most High.

And We Mourn Some More

April 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

Lately, I have been mourning the parts of me that carry the pain of holding onto my will for so long. I ache at the thought of surrendering + I cringe at the work that is going into relinquishing years of trauma. My muscles are bruised from the plight of being a single mother. There are parts of me that collapse under years of silence; having to stuff down fragmented sentences hoping that later they would make sense. Make no mistake, the heart listens to the suppressed emotions that eventually manifests in our bodies + the deeper burden is to be aware of it all. With every bit of knowledge and acknowledgment there comes an inevitable lingering despair which beckons us to forgive.

Hey Sis!

March 18, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, parenting, motherhood, people of color, purpose, personal growth, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

To carry the intersections of being black + a woman on the carousel of life while juggling the intersections of class + gender one must dissect the tradition of overcoming being a black woman. The black woman has endured destruction at every door + sometimes at the hand of her own mother, the mere reflection of her own likeness has been betrayed by generations of abandoned women. Unfortunately, even herself is not beyond her own suspicion. It’s complicated! She’s intelligent; but often insecure. She’s attractive, but often undesirable because her attitude reeks of rejection. She’s extremely loving, but unapproachable. She wears abandonment like cashmere; unemotional yet refined. Everyone has overlooked her; therefore, she must display a disposition of being perpetually guarded. God forbid she is exposed as false with all the blankets of contradictions. Striving in her career to overcompensate for the relationship she longs for. Playing interpersonal relationships like chess; never working with women who may challenge her for fear of being seen as an imposter. Dismissive at best; intimidated at worst. We struggle being seen because we have been overlooked for so long.

Divine

March 12, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, life, loveislove, marriage, people of color, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

I consciously live in color as it relates to my relationship with my wife. Intentionally dissecting the effort, it takes to love another human being. Regularly our conversations consist of what it takes to make a marriage work when we have never witnessed a successful union. Frequently, we communicate the pain that stains our perspective as we contemplate the route we should take to unhinge our own wills. Often we forgive fully understanding that love is a choice + we don’t always get to decide on how we get to distribute it. It’s eerily complicated! A space only those who dare reside can humbly admit, it’s everything you hoped + nothing like you ever expected.

Spirit

March 04, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal growth, personal development, purpose, spirituality

I not quite sure if I acknowledge you enough, though you are stapled to the top of my mouth, etched in my heart + forever on my mind. I am not even sure if I release the right amount of petitions, or shine bright enough for others to see where my light truly illuminates from. I don’t even think that my knees bend as many times as they should to allow my ego a break from drowning your voice. I often feel the weight of the questions that linger way after you remind me of your consistent faithfulness. Yet, I climb out of bed every morning with just enough of you to face my day, a mere fraction of you to share with others as a gentle reminder of your amazing love.

Complexities of Being Black

February 26, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, personal growth, personal development, relationships, women of color, people of color

There is a heartbreaking tenderness about black folks. A majestic story that is spoken through stolen slaves + subjugated bodies. Our faces are centuries away from our soul; yet we carry the smile of humanness. An accessibility we would allow if we knew how to enter our own spirits. It’s evident that our feet carry the shackles of insecurities proven to shatter relationships when we come up against our own likeness. We struggle to love due to the threats that were made to keep us isolated. Oh, how I love being black. Did you think I wouldn’t after I divulged some of our frailties? Despite our struggles, we are larger than life, precious jewels that create art through our pain while we use laughter as a salve to heal so that we may survive yet another day.

To Be Black + A Mother

February 11, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, motherhood, parenting, relationships, women of color

I was raised by a mother who was tough as a fistful of “no thank you’s”; yet resilient enough to beckon the sun to shine even when it was raining. She raised most of her siblings, missed half of the school year working to provide for her family + married the first person that resembled a deep breath. Convinced that she had escaped a life of monotony, she conceived me with a man who never achieved success, so he recycled ignorance. Nevertheless, my mother raised me with fortitude + grace bestowing on me all of her failed dreams + the effects of being neglected. It sounds cruel as if my life was being ruined; however, it was being created from the residue of a generation that carried the weight of being extraordinarily resilient.

To Be Black + In Love

February 04, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, life, love, marriage, loveislove, relationships

On most days, I am praying for my wife + all the unions that deserve to penetrate darkness. Some weeks my to-do list is just to love her so I stay shackled to humility ensuring that my ego stays beneath my longings to do right. Heartfelt + intentional I seek to exhibit a commitment that resurrects everyday just to succeed. My only wish is to close the gap of the incessant reminders of unresolved trauma. Daily I am reminded of the extraordinary people that have covered my struggles with a blanket of stars as a testament that we can survive. Perhaps our love can cover a multitude of transgressions. So we love…

To Be Black

February 01, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, personal growth, queer, relationships, women of color

The weight of my skin wakes me up every single morning. I am jolted by the day begging me to be quieter + less black. I crawl out of bed pulling the hopes of my ancestors from under years of self-degradation praying that my parent’s trauma doesn’t trip me up today. Trusting that my vernacular is articulate enough to get your attention because most days I am injured by the explanations; bruised by the shape-shifting + code switching. Transforming to fit into something worthy of being acceptable + magnificent. Grasping the understanding that we wouldn’t return or recover. Reminded that being glorious is dangerous, especially when you are black. Warriors must walk lightly taking into consideration their gifts as well as their frailties. We hail from things that are fascinating, but up close can be misconstrued as ice sculptures; gorgeous + emotionless.

Welcome 2019

January 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color

Every year I enter into a space of deep reflection, not because of overzealous expectations or unrequited interactions. Nor do I feel the need to astound others by overcompensating for the work that is still in progress. Yet and still, I cross the threshold of another year with the weight of things I have incessantly ingested due to realizing I have reached an all new capacity of desiring more. Not more things to perturb me or lofty things that only make others feel that I have arrived. Not even more ostentatious relationships that drain me from the moment salutations are exchanged. Some things take up residence in our bodies + redirect our intentions for no other reason than to waste our time + delay our purpose.

Thank you 2018

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Life is mysterious + magical in the most ironic way. It can be filled with deep sadness; yet infused with the most exuberant moments. My existence was tested this year when I was met with the challenge of being married + navigating a long distance relationship while my wife wrapped up her old life to build a new one with me. My entire creation was questioned when I made the decision to remove my mother from my life while being an only child with an estranged father. Meanwhile, the ancestors were working on my behalf as I was navigating the laborious process of purchasing my first home. Not to mention, I was on the cusp of turning 40 + not a minute too soon. Evolution was demanding a more resolved woman that didn’t consume the room upon entrance with heavily weighted credentials but a voice doused in quiet strength determined to chart her own path.

Parenting From The Highest Place

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, personal growth, parenting, motherhood, queer, relationships, women of color

When I reflect on my years as a parent, I often wonder how am I doing it. I am astonished at how I am able to give my children the very things I missed as a child. I am overwhelmed at how I speak to them + acknowledge their every effort. I am surprised at how I am intentional about exposing them in an effort to spark conversations that will give them the space to be critical thinkers. I often remind my children that I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that I am far from Mary Poppins + I am not even reminiscent of a Claire Huxtable; yet somehow I manage to give them what I never received.

Blended + Intentional

December 31, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, parenting, personal development, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen

It takes two mature adults to dismantle a union + walk away with everyone minimally unscathed. It takes two caring adults that despite all unfortunate circumstances to make a concerted effort to raise emotionally healthy, secure children. Even more, it takes two adults dedicated to ensuring that the common goal is always about the children. I am convinced that my need to get along with my ex for the sake of my children has always been my ultimate priority. I am even more convinced that children suffer not because of messy separations but due to immature adults that refuse to remain focused on the best interest of the children.

Always On

December 10, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, leadership, life, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, women's rights, white fragility, relationships

When I walk into a room oftentimes I am cloaked in numerous statistics, concealed by my accolades, + accosted by an overzealous presumptuous person who often feels like I don’t belong. Sometimes I am even exhausted from the door by the frequent questions that only demand the need for my respect or the lack thereof. Moreover, I am never surprised when I have to overlook someone for thinking that their effort with cross-cultural dialogue has now yielded recognition for something they are still unpacking. It’s a thing!

Softer

December 03, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in history, life, love, personal development, personal growth, queer, women of color, womensupportingwomen

Words were abused in my home + smashed against mistakes as you casually watch your self-esteem fall slowly to the ground. Disputes were adorned in extravagant gifts + gently wrapped in confrontations that never ended with forgiveness. I don’t know what resolution looks like + often times it’s an all-out tussle to find it. Sometimes it’s a street fight where no one wins + I am left with the baggage of seeing way too many adults disagree in unhealthy ways. It’s a thing!

Staying

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in marriage, life, relationships, women of color, womensupportingwomen, love

I’ve never seen commitment modeled + I wouldn’t recognize it even if it was mirrored daily. I’ve witnessed so many poor examples that even the finest illustrations fall short of my expectation. I am critical of so-called relationships that represent this false sense of excelling. I am not impressed by relationships that hide behind busy children + elaborate hobbies + quiet filters. I am not fascinated by the years together when you reside in separate rooms + live isolated lives. It’s a thing!

We Never Recovered

November 28, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal growth, relationships, personal development, women of color, history

How do you heal from years of trauma inflicted from one generation to the next? How do you carry the weight of pain that was allocated on you just because it was too heavy to keeping lifting? I am convinced that the residue from years of silenced fears + broken families + illegitimate children coupled with physical + verbal abuse has seemingly disabled us. It has seeped into our homes, coated our walls, soaked our furniture + broken our spirits. We are branded with the scars of perilous times + memories of the middle passage.

Finding Peace

November 07, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, personal development, personal growth, queer, womanaremagic, women of color

I’ve been trying to nestle into a new space, find solace in fulfilling work, create the marriage I never saw while raising secure children. Looking for a gentle place where security is a constant, love is mirrored daily + my children can thrive is a delicate balancing act. It’s seems effortless as I ravel off years of rhetoric coupled with theories doused in all the residencies I attended just to be able to apply knowledge to my own life. The mere fact that I can write such a candid narrative is evidence that the scars of my ancestors are being healed.

Evolving

October 23, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, education, leadership, life, personal growth, queer, women of color, womanaremagic

Finding my place in the world has been exhilarating, disconcerting, and often times intimidating. After a few missteps in life, I have slowly learned to do what feels beneficial to me. Ironically, in a world full of pretentious over-doers, I have often felt like my best wasn’t good enough. While all accomplishments are commendable, I have learned that some are often disregarded because they don’t look successful enough by society’s standards. If your hustle is otherworldly like mine, then you quietly devote your life to the things that will allow you to keep your integrity and ultimately make you happy.

The Man Behind My Name

October 17, 2018 by Ikeranda Smith in life, parenting, personal development, personal growth, relationships, women of color, queer

My father is a strong man. Yet, when I was younger he wasn’t tough enough to stay faithful, or solid enough to be present, not even sturdy enough to be drug-free, and definitely not robust enough to not be physically and verbally abusive. I believe that you have to fully understand a person in order to see the good in them (trust me, I am going somewhere with this). I don’t believe in making excuses for people because some things are just unacceptable! However, clarity is a powerful thing when coupled with understanding.