Justikeandthetribe

Leading With Love and Compassion

This blog is for the individual that desires more of themselves + the people in their lives.

No Fear

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, people of color, personal growth, purpose, queer, spirituality

Lately I have been unraveling fear + dissecting how it has caused a wedge in areas of my life. How it has allowed me to listen to well-meaning individuals that refuse to take their own advice. I am convinced that my life + everything about it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Every. Single. Part. Hiding for years has ignited a power in me that permits me to rise into the woman I am destined to be. Being black + queer is everything despite the weight that comes with the obligation of it. It’s hella complicated!

Raising My Son

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, motherhood, parenting, queer, relationships, black mothers

Each day I raise my son, I am reminded that I still need to be mothered from a space of compassion from not seeing many decent men in my life. As I look at my son, I release him from my clutches fully understanding that so many black mothers made their sons their husbands + fathers trying to reclaim the “promise”. It’s complicated! I hug him often reminding him of his greatness rather than subjugating him to my hopes + dreams like the proverbial black mother. .

Loving My Wife

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, love, loveislove, marriage, people of color

Loving my wife has come out of necessity, the desire to get something right. To succeed at relating to another human being in the most intimate way when you have never seen healthy relationships. When witnessing abusive love coupled with complacent love not to mention toxic love throughout your life you live in a perpetual space of survival. Working to beat the odds for fear of letting down an entire generation. It’s complicated!

Happiness

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, people of color, purpose, queer, relationships, spirituality, black female doctors

Lately I have been cultivating love in a new way + taking time to do the things I love. I live in my head as a way to stay unwaveringly grounded. Being unapologetically queer+ black with an understanding of all the things that my parents, parents, parents endured can be extremely heady. It’s complicated! So I work hard to dismantle the parts of my lineage that tend to trip me up.

Intimacy

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, marriage, loveislove, love, people of color, purpose, queer, relationships, spirituality, women of color

We love deeply because how else do you adore the woman that resembles your past; yet works hard to heal your future. I don’t know how after 15 years, distance, heartbreak, past lovers, mistakes, trauma, children, divorce + everything in between has kept us this in love. They say courting is not for bringing you together; but seeing if life can tear you apart. I would agree 100%! We see each other in ways that our parents didn’t get a chance to because of our father’s addiction. It’s complicated!

Parenting From A Place of Love

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, life, motherhood, parenting, people of color, queer, relationships

I seek to love my kids in a way that allows them to understand what love looks like + what love feels like. I am honored to have a boy + a girl but truthfully I am always working on being equitable. Judicial in a way that gives my son a space to be soft + loving. I remember when I was younger watching men objectify women + abuse them. Meanwhile, I have had the luxury of dating amazing men; yet I only have felt safe with women. It’s complicated! .

Growth

December 06, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in life, marriage, personal development, personal growth, queer, purpose, relationships

Lately I have been leaning into life in such a way that has been keeping me prostrate with my heart open. I cannot recall seeing gentle women in my life because they often carried the weight of unrequited love; heavy with deceitful longings. Frustrated at the thought of giving themselves over to another person or having to carry the burden of raising children alone. I have become the remnants of delicate flesh yearning to heal from centuries of not acknowledging the pain.

Hair...It's Complicated!

December 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, love, life, LGBTQIA, people of color, queer, women of color, womanaremagic

I always wanted to loc my hair but I had to shed so much historical bondage around my hair. I used to get my hair pressed with a straightening comb which eventually lead me to perming my hair; yet it never yielded the response I wanted to feel...free. I dreaded the days that my hair ruled everything I did from working out, swimming, enjoying outdoors + even having sex. It’s complicated! I recall how men responded to my hair when it was straight + long; yet I never felt prettier, sexier, or more desired. Ironically, I felt like a replica of someone that needed to be noticed by people who didn’t matter.

Co-Mothering

December 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in co-mothering, women of color, parenting, motherhood, queer

This picture represents the beginning which started 9 years ago + by all accounts we shouldn’t be standing here unscathed + unbothered; yet thicker than thieves. We should not be unequivocally committed to our friendship, our children + remaining in each other’s life by any means necessary. Yet here we stand. Closer than most friends + people still wonder “what’s the catch?” The only thing we have managed to come up with is that God loved us so much that he entrusted us with each other + we accepted the mission. Most people wouldn’t, I get it + truthfully for a long time we didn’t want to stay in each other’s life. However, what we have cultivated is extremely bigger than US.

Love Is The Highest

December 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, LGBTQIA, marriage, love, life, people of color, queer

When growing in love, I have been learning to yield more to the Universe. Allowing the Creator to lead me. I have been learning to forgive quickly because holding grudges interferes with the work I am called to do. I have been surrendering + allowing because love needs room to grow + expand. Especially this love. This love is being cultivated with every exchange, every argument, every disagreement, every misunderstanding, every apology, every intimate moment that reminds us that we are changing an old narrative. A narrative that would like to prove that black love doesn’t exist + if it does, it resides only in movies. So I let love rule!

Perspective Of A 40 Year Old Black Woman

May 28, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, personal development, spirituality, womanaremagic, women of color

There are moments in life that seemed very different when I was younger + this is one of them. I imagined 40 to look ancient as I decide whether to wash another load of clothes or fix lunches with inconsequential utensils. I pictured myself being in a rat race most days virtually unrecognizable to myself. I visualized myself in a rut, nestled in marriage trying to dodge the 7-year itch + hanging with people who have amputated parts of themselves just to fit in. I envisioned dragging my children to activities as I listen to random people discuss parts of their life they hate. Then I hit 40 + I realized that this moment is more than I ever dreamed. In fact, at 40 I became more of a woman by allowing my scars to be the fuel to navigate my purpose. Actually, at 40 I fell more in love with myself by loving another human being from a perpetual space of forgiveness. If truth be told, at 40 I acknowledged that I hate cooking, I need intimacy at the same frequency as sex or nothing less + I am so grateful to love what I do every day. As a matter of fact, at 40 I recognized that I enjoy people who reflect goodness a hell of lot more than people who deplete my energy. Honestly, at 40 I liberated my children in a way that set us both free + gave me permission to be a woman. The truth is, at 40 I fell in love with me + the beautiful messy journey that got me to this point. Actually, at 40 I am resolved.

US: GENDER

May 27, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, black middle class, education, careers, financial freedom, generational wealth, history, leadership, people of color, personal development, personal growth, wealth, white fragility, women of color

To understand gender one must consider the position of black women. The mere fact that we are the most under represented + under paid; yet the most educated informs us that the roots of sexism are founded in the same economic + political institutions that serve the foundation of racism. Daily we crawl from under the heartbreaking backdrops as we illuminate this earth shattering persona just to gain respect. Often assumed to be a single mother despite being betrothed while her relationship suffers as she over extends her participation to compete with women who have the luxury of not being in the labor force. It’s complicated! Overwhelmed with the realization of having to choose between being a mother or a wife in order to survive undermines the well-being of black families. Historically devaluing black women reinforces autonomous women while simultaneously promoting broken homes.

My Journey To Empty Nesting

May 21, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, LGBTQIA, parenting, motherhood, women of color, children

Raising you + your brother has sometimes all at once been the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. It is still difficult, but I love it + sometimes all at once I cry because I love you for being so amazingly resilient. The things you give up as a parent are endless, from sleep, to just getting up + going, to hanging out when you want, to being able to have certain things to yourself + yet sometimes all at once you surrender your will + ego for the greater good. I fear that I have failed you, especially before I found myself because operating from my inner child was rough. I was petty, afraid, insecure at the ways that you loved me + I couldn’t quite love myself (not yet anyway) + then all at once you grew me up. I began to love you in ways that my mother couldn’t often being triggered by the ways that I still needed what I was giving you. It’s complicated! I tell you that sentiment often, because it is extremely complicated as I wonder will I have what it takes to give you the wings you need to soar + sometimes all at once you soar a little higher.

US: CLASS

May 20, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in careers, history, love, LGBTQIA, personal development, race, wealth, financial freedom, generational wealth, black middle class

While watching the movie US, it was the typical backdrop for a traditional black family forced to keep up with their wealthy counterparts as they venture down the rabbit hole. Progress is foreign to black people largely due to the story of race. Most black people consider themselves middle-class; yet only 42% of us own homes. While most of us are doing substantially better than our parents + grandparents; we carry the generational lack that keeps us enslaved. While racism was central to our story, today the picture is extremely more complicated. Although we have an annual spending power of 1.2 trillion, our households have only held a median of $11,000 of wealth. Leaving us only two options: buy up the block or be a business on the block.

Deliberately Nurturing

May 14, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, life, love, parenting, motherhood, personal growth, women of color

When met with the daily task of parenting I am often reminded that all of life’s situations serve the purpose of your spiritual evolvement. However, when you are tasked go within yourself in search of the emotional lessons during a common reoccurring show down of parent vs kid; everything that happens to you is significant. Am I still parenting myself? Hell yes! Do I feel like I am a good parent considering all of my faults? Absolutely! Nevertheless, am I often triggered by parenting? Yes, yes, yes! To be honest, my children are growing me up. They are maturing me in ways that my childhood left no room for. The sad byproduct of a parent with unmet needs is the humbling realization that I can either be completely authentic or perpetually embarrassed. So I choose to respectfully surrender my wills to the power of accepting myself (flaws + all) so that I can selflessly accept my children in all of their wonderful glory.

US: RACE

May 13, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, Hate Crimes, history, life, love, people of color, white fragility

I have been sitting quietly, meditating on what exactly to say after I watched the movie US. It was so much to say + yet I wondered where to start. So I chose the obvious. Race. As I look at the faces of black folks, I mourn us for so many reasons. We are years away from our souls + haven’t quite fully recovered nor do I think we ever will. Not in this lifetime anyway. It will take several decades to recover the souls that were snatched from our own land + even more decades to remember who we used to be. The reality is race is something we never knew until it was pointed out to us. It was the damaging effects of how racial preferences have a long institutionalized history that often kept black people from opportunities at the expense of our counterparts. It was African slaves replacing the European indentured servants as a source of free labor. It was the General Sherman’s never making good on his “40 acres and a mule” as reparations. It was Jim Crow laws being instituted in the late 19th Century + not being overturned until the 1960’s which reserved the best, jobs, schools, neighborhoods + hospitals for our counterparts. It was the 1935 Wagner Act which granted collective power + excluded black people from access to better jobs, union protection, healthcare, job security + pensions. It was the the Federal Housing Administration deal known today as “redlining” that was explicitly typing mortgage eligibility to race. It was + continually is the border of justice that has always been clearly defined.

When Winter Comes In Spring

May 10, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in love, life, loveislove, mental health, people of color, personal growth, relationships, women of color

There is a saintly aura that transcends my life every time seasons change. I can feel it in my bones, my back aches + my mind tries to coerce my spirit into thinking this feeling will pass, but the flesh won’t allow it to subside. It is no surprise that I am deeply introspective + probably more honest than others care for me to be. Blame it on my tragic beginning, all the hearts I broke, the lies I told + the trauma I ingested. I gather my mistakes + rinse them daily because unlike most people I see myself clearly because I like my coffee dark with lots of self- reflection. I sit in every choice + every regret until I can cover every circumstance in forgiveness. Lately I’ve experienced all kind of loss which reminds me that I’m still learning how to let grief take a seat until its ready to vacate my sanctuary.

US: Mental Illness

May 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, education, LGBTQIA, life, people of color, women of color, mental health

No one escapes the perils of life that pierce us to the point of anguish. Unfortunately for black people, we know this sentiment all too well + are reminded daily as we maneuver our blackness while carrying the weight of our history. It’s complicated! We carry success like a tamed beast; proud but ferocious. We are loving at first glance, appearing to have it altogether but underneath we are tortured by our past. Carrying the weight of having to make it + then free everyone else. Despite our list of accomplishments, black people share a sobering emotional attachment to overcoming mental illness. Often labeled as “crazy” by our own when we vocalize that we couldn’t “pray it away”, therefore resigning to suffer silently rather than reach out for help.

Looking For The Door

April 09, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, education, history, LGBTQIA, life, love, loveislove, marriage, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, queer, relationships, spirituality, women of color

I have been searching diligently, quietly summoning every ancestor while chasing my purpose fully understanding that the Creator + I are in a deep covenant. I question every intention, every motivation, ensuring that my will is put in check + that my ego is buried. I die to myself daily debating my choices, scrutinizing every word that falls from my lips. Why? Because I know that I am responsible for everyone that comes across my path. I am crystal clear about many things in my life, but some things are extremely blurry; terrifyingly unclear to the point that I am often left humbled to a whisper. Often crouched in a corner with tears streaming, staring aimlessly at my plans hoping they align with the Most High.

And We Mourn Some More

April 05, 2019 by Ikeranda Smith in black, history, life, love, motherhood, parenting, people of color, personal growth, purpose, relationships, spirituality, women of color

Lately, I have been mourning the parts of me that carry the pain of holding onto my will for so long. I ache at the thought of surrendering + I cringe at the work that is going into relinquishing years of trauma. My muscles are bruised from the plight of being a single mother. There are parts of me that collapse under years of silence; having to stuff down fragmented sentences hoping that later they would make sense. Make no mistake, the heart listens to the suppressed emotions that eventually manifests in our bodies + the deeper burden is to be aware of it all. With every bit of knowledge and acknowledgment there comes an inevitable lingering despair which beckons us to forgive.